Remembering and Celebrating the Life, Love and Legacy of
The Late Tinya L. Banks, Esq.
With brief shock, obvious
grief, deep sadness and great regret, I recently opened my Facebook page to
learn of the untimely death of my friend and college contemporary, the late
Tinya L. Banks, Esq. After a few moments
of reflection in which I began the slow and difficult process of accepting that
her parents, extended family, close friends, legal colleagues, clients and
those of us who knew in college are poorer because she is no longer physically
with us. Still, I spent an hour or more
searching the web verifying this unfortunate news. As this brilliant lawyer taught and often
reminded me when we spoke, I needed evidence before reaching any firm conclusions;
“emotions however passionate and sincere ultimately do not prove
anything.” My online search with the
miniscule hope that my eyes initially deceived me yielded the fact that I am
left irreversibly to rely upon my memories of many conversations to further
relate to my friend. My sadness persists
as I wish we could speak and laugh again.
My emotions combine anger, regret, sorrow and hope for healing for her
beloved parents and others who share this profound loss. Primary amongst my thoughts and feelings is an
overwhelming gratitude for Tinya’s life, love and legacy.
With heartfelt and
enduring gratitude, I celebrate my friend and college contemporary from whom I
learned many things. I cannot remember
the first time I met this Virginia heartthrob whose striking auburn hair,
piercing hazel eyes, pretty face and sculpted and statuesque physique
immediately caused double takes. Upon
speaking with her, it became evident that she was a Southern Belle without
pretension. Deeply and unapologetically
Southern, Tinya’s individuality and authenticity removed regional
provincialism, cultural assumptions or any attempt to peg her personality based
upon uninformed presumptions. Very proud
and knowledgeable of her Southern and African American roots, Tinya once chided
me and other college contemporaries for catching up to her as we took an
African American Studies class. Still,
she personified the very best in what we assume of well-reared Southern ladies;
elegance in dress, formality in speech, talent in preparing and serving tasty
cuisine, finesse in presentation and poise and exacting manners in all situations
whether formal or casual. One encounter
with Tinya yielded appreciation for her keen intelligence, laser-like
analytical mind, impatience with nonsense, internal resourcefulness,
penetrating wit and great sense of humor.
Epitomizing the very best of the Southern “Steel Magnolia,” Tinya’s
formidable character, insistence upon truth and rationality, ability to relate
to everyone and willingness to bear whatever burdens she justly or unfairly
incurred were amongst her most attractive qualities. I greatly admire her grace, inner fortitude,
patience and humility as she lived with a debilitating health challenge without
complaining or yielding to self-pity.
What an amazing example of spirituality and personal strength!
As I offer grateful
reflections upon Tinya’s life, my mind speeds in reverse to our college
years. During our time at Dartmouth
College, three political issues predominated public discourse. One major political party questionably utilized
a right to life position as a litmus to determine legitimate religiosity and
patriotism. Social and religious
conservatives adhered steadfastly as proponents of capital punishment. Joined by economic conservatives, these citizens
tolerated the vulgar racism of institutional and legal apartheid in South
Africa and fought every effort to compel American companies to divest their
holdings. In our many impromptu dorm
conversations with classmates and contemporaries, Tinya did not tolerate the
obvious contradictions and fallacious reasoning of those policies. With the precision of a surgeon’s scalpel,
she excised anyone’s attempt to perpetrate superstitions, hypocrisy and
unbridled emotions as representative of well-reasoned positions affecting
millions and hundreds of millions of human lives. Her laser-like mind eradicated balderdash
regardless of anyone’s eloquence.
Silence often followed her incisive questions.
At the time, I favored
capital punishment. Tinya once rebuked
me, “You sit there and have the unmitigated gall to call yourself a Christian
and believe that imperfect human beings have the right to usurp a perfect God
and determine the conditions of another imperfect person’s death.” With the prism of a few decades of
professional experience inclusive of social justice advocacy and community
service, I thank my late friend for sowing those seeds of truth and insistence
upon integrity in public policy.
Additionally, Tinya warned us against allowing our emotions to exceed
our analysis and demands as we strove to force the college administration and
trustees to demonstrate honesty and intellectual respectability in its verbal
condemnation of apartheid by divesting the College’s funds from any company
doing business in South Africa. Her
insight proved prophetic and correct as the College eventually divested because
its leaders grew weary of the continual and widening rift in the Dartmouth community
rather than moral and ethical correctness.
Those conversations foreshadowed the future and successful career of a
member of the Virginia legal community.
A graduate of the famed
Marshall-Wythe Law School at the College of William & Mary, Tinya first
practiced law as an associate at the venerated civil rights firm, Hill, Tucker
and Marsh. The named partners of this
firm contributed significantly to dismantling legal segregation in the State of
Virginia. There, Tinya served average
citizens by resolving their legal challenges without judgment of their personal
backgrounds or misguided choices. In the
words of Kipling, she was able “to walk with Kings [and] not lose the common
touch.” As an expansion of the civil
rights legacy that she inherited as an attorney, Tinya allowed “all men to
count but none too much.” Regardless of
whom she encountered, she remained quintessentially and unapologetically Tinya.
A gifted lawyer, she worked toward a just resolution for her clients seeking
and combining logic, truth, moral pragmatism and balance.
During our perennial lunch
conversations in Richmond and Hampton when my business travel took me there,
she shared how she detailed the legal process to clients to disavow them of
their sanctimonious claims of possessing “the Truth” in their testimony. Instead, she informed them that they now
possessed an aggressive advocate who would argue on their behalf before a
neutral party, the judge or jury, hopefully to obtain a fair and reasonable
settlement to very personal and subjective disputes. As I mourn her death, I grieve the loss of
what she would have accomplished as an attorney. With such a fiercely judicial temperament,
Tinya unquestionably would have distinguished herself as a state or federal
jurist. As our nation progresses
irreversibly toward religious, ideological, and cultural pluralism, we need
judges who possess the intellect, character, self-determination and cultural
identity to treat all citizens with equality and justice. I harbor not even a scintilla of doubt that
my late friend would have been a superb jurist equal to her years of service to
her clients. Accordingly, I join them
and her legal colleagues in expressing thanks for her life and legacy as a
member of the Virginia bar.
To some degree, each of us
is a teacher. Life affords everyone to
share uniquely some aspect of his or her individuality. Each of us is a unique child of God possessing
a distinct opportunity to share God’s love through mission and purpose. I celebrate God’s inimitable expression of
Himself through Tinya’s personality.
Anyone who spoke with her just once left with a definite impression of
her self-acceptance, self-regard and self-determination. Authenticity and individuality were traits
and lessons that she imparted to anyone who encountered her.
Again Kipling’s immortal
words are appropriate. “If you can trust
yourself when all men doubt you; but make allowance for their doubting too,”
Tinya possessed an inner gravitas and chutzpah that exempted her from the need
of excessive external validation.
Comfortable in her skin as Tinya, she graciously extended to others
their freedom of expression and pursuit of joy and wholeness in life. Her formidable example taught others to
pursue a similar inward journey.
Additionally, integrity was a natural outgrowth of her
individuality. Intolerant of silliness,
hypocrisy, excessive and manipulative emotions, and fallacies that masquerade
as reason, Tinya responded affirmatively to these character defects with a
lifelong commitment to congruence of thought, principles and deeds. Tinya appropriately held herself to the high
standards of integrity that she expected of other people. Truth and integrity complement each other
with exacting congruence like a hand in a tailored glove. Tinya’s disdain for hypocrisy emerged from
her willingness to accept her shortcomings and further her willingness to
develop personally and grow spiritually.
She would not tolerate devious and rhetorical flourishes to excuse
untoward behavior. Essentially, she
demanded truth personally and professionally.
I suspect several of her legal colleagues could attest to her unwavering
insistence upon truth as imperfect, constantly erring and self-centered human
beings could derive it. Individuality,
integrity and truth are life’s most significant principles remain as three
lessons that my friend imparts to us in the legacy of her too brief life.
As I continue to celebrate
Tinya’s life with thanksgiving that exceeds the fresh grief stemming from her
recent death, I am cognizant of the enduring pain that Tinya’s passing causes
her beloved mother and father and extended family. She greatly loved, respected and admired her
parents. Expressing condolences seem
meager considering the depth and breadth of their very personal and abiding
loss. I hope the genuine expressions of
those of us who were very blessed to know Tinya will yield healing and
comfort. Moreover, I pray they feel our
limitless gratitude for the incalculable gift they shared with us and humankind
in Tinya’s life. The infinite and
qualitative nature of her contributions will surpass the brief period of
journey amongst us. I hope that fact
daily allows them to delve into their private treasure troves of sacred
memories, conversations and experiences with her that slowly diminishes the
potency of their grief.
The hard and necessary
question, Why,” inevitably arises in the deep recesses of an unjustly bereaved
person’s mind and heart. Is there a
reasonable explanation to satisfy us who terribly miss such a talented, gifted,
beautiful and funny person who bountifully enriched our lives? For the foreseeable future, we who knew Tinya
will ask that question in a million different ways. Chances are a satisfactory answer will not
emerge. Ironically, as we ask these
difficult questions and grapple with our loss, we increasingly obtain greater
acceptance and gratitude for the remarkable person Tinya remains in our minds
and hearts. I extend affirmative
meditations and heartfelt prayers to her parents, extended family, close circle
of friends and all persons who share in their loss that our mystical union will
remain a source of comfort, healing and grace as we journey without Tinya’s
physical presence. We have the blessed
assurance that her eternal light will guide us toward brighter and rewarding days
as Tinya would not want us to linger endlessly in grief and pain.
Tinya was a very proud,
unreserved, unabashed and self-determinative Black woman. An African American Studies class we took
laid a foundation for innumerable conversations about WEB DuBois’ concept of
“double consciousness” as it relates to African American identity. She absolutely refused to define herself as a
Black woman in reaction to the dominant culture’s standards of beauty,
intelligence, poise and demeanor. An
individual above all social influences, Tinya equally rebuffed collective and
commercial trends in the Black community to define who a Black woman is. Resistant to boarding any emotional
bandwagons, Tinya proactively defined what it means to be a Black woman in the
United States. My preceding description
of my college contemporary and friends details her existential definition of
being a Black woman. I will always
admire her ability to simply and definitively be Tinya notwithstanding
pressures to conform to an ethereal socially acceptable persona. Some people never achieve her remarkable
self-acceptance and genuineness.
Her dislike of social
pressures and encroachment upon personal identity and expression fueled her
interest in studying intra-racial prejudice.
The color line within the Black community remains a source of
immeasurable pain. Acquiescence to the
dominant culture’s idea of beauty greatly irritated her. Believing that attractiveness was obvious if
a woman had straight hair, light skin, straight nose and slim physique. Interestingly, though Tinya possessed those
physical features, she rebuffed compliments solely because of them. That shortsightedness devalued and ignored
her intrinsic character. Her offense included her concern for all women of
color who faced similar disrespect and violation of their uniqueness because
they did not demean themselves by conforming to society’s trivial standards of
beauty. Tinya especially condemned these
erroneous concepts in the African American community that furthered racial
stereotypes and created the fallacy of monolithic thinking, expression and
values within the Black community. A
quintessential individual who did not need external validation or group
affirmation, Tinya exemplified the very best of anyone’s characterization of a
strong, smart, intuitive, gifted, compassionate and beautiful Black woman.
Unquestionably, Tinya’s
former clients and legal colleagues share this penetrating loss of a defiant,
fierce and resourceful advocate. Whether
personal or professional, anyone who gained admission to Tinya’s inner circle
of consciousness and compassion became the recipient of her undaunted courage,
laser-like intelligence, loyalty and generosity. Through her legal career, she demonstrated
her passion for people and her advocacy for social justice and equality. Attorney Banks did so outside of public view
per se. Enduringly, I admire her
insistence that genuine advocacy for the most vulnerable persons constitute a
personal and professional lifestyle.
Otherwise, opportunists and charlatans manipulated the emotions and
unfortunate circumstances of people gullible enough to trust their rhetoric
though it does not comport with reality.
Not one to publicly criticize anyone, Tinya practiced her principles in
her legal and personal affairs. Her
commitment to truth and justice through her legal practice undoubtedly served
her clients well. She leaves us an incredible gift and example of how to
advocate for one’s beliefs in service to other people.
The quest for truth
remained important to Tinya. She did not
suffer fools gladly. Intellectual
dishonesty was particularly appalling to her.
She rebuffed the ideological smugness of left and right leaning
positions that refused to wrestle with contrary ideas and evidence. As she dedicated herself to the lifelong
quest of acquiring truth to the degree that any subjective human being, a
captive of his or her prism of personal, cultural and linguistic prism, could
know it, Tinya respected persons who willingly and humbly employ reason,
evidence and scientific methods. She
possessed the security to live with unanswered questions and linger within
inexplicable dilemmas until honest, logical and morally pragmatic resolutions
emerged.
I thank Tinya for her
contribution to my progression toward moral pragmatism. She repelled the combination of emotions and
definitive moral statements which usually have a gloss of petrified personal
piety and sanctimoniousness. Such
declarations overlooked obvious contradictions in daily human living. They further ignore the complexities and
contexts in which people struggle to find meaning in their lives. As an attorney, she suspended her personal
beliefs to represent clients who as subjects of systemic causes and structures
may not be responsible for the crimes for which they were indicted. Self-righteous social commentators of all
ideological persuasions manipulate the unbridled emotions and uninformed
opinions of the masses with simple-minded condemnations of vulnerable,
minimally educated and economically disadvantaged citizens. The most regrettable outcome of these
fallacies includes the continual practice of capital punishment, wrongful
convictions of persons without adequate legal defense and their unjust
long-term incarceration. Women and
children in domestic situations are particularly susceptible to becoming
victims of legal errors and miscarriages of justice. A lawyer at heart, Tinya insisted upon
personal humility which tempered moral absolutes with a frank acknowledgement
of one’s own incapacities and recognition of life’s inherent lack of
fairness. She responded with an
intellectually respectable moral pragmatism that demanded us to wrestle in the
mud of human living.
Tinya’s witticisms
especially about current affairs reflected her tremendous sense of humor. Any conversation with her would leave you in
stitches. Her ability to joke with you
indicated her friendship, concern and honesty.
Once, I stopped by her office to pick her up for lunch. She greeted me with the affirmation, “Victor,
you look really good. Didn’t know what
to expect.” I said in response, “Okay, I
want you to say that when I am seventy.”
Not one to mince words even in a light moment, Tinya wryly said, “Only
if it is true. Take care of yourself and
I will say it.” Those funny and sharp
jabs continued throughout our lunch and conversations over our friendship. I loved listening to her especial way of
utilizing humor to reduce complicated legal affairs within the grasp of
laypeople. Vividly, I recall her collaboration with another attorney in the
creation of a dog and pony show defense for their clients which the judge
bought lock, stock and barrel. Tinya
reminded us that we cannot take ourselves too seriously as life’s irony and
mystery mocks people who do so.
Meekness and grace are
culminating lessons from Tinya’s life that I celebrate. Often, people confuse meekness and
weakness. Maintaining strength under
pressure faithfully attending to one’s professional and personal obligations
are hardly descriptive of a weak person.
Rather, those attributes reflect the formidable character of an iron
lady and her boundless dedication to her craft and client as well as her
unfailing love for her family and friends notwithstanding an ever-present
health challenge. Rightly, few people
were aware of the details of this daily dilemma in which Tinya lived. With genuine and exquisite meekness, she bore
the burden of illness without complaining, excessive anger, bitterness or
self-pity. With an equally potent and
elegant grace, she absolutely refused to allow it to define or limit her. How incredibly impressive of Tinya to
maintain her legal practice as long as she physically could. In a Herculean manner, she daily bore the
bags of cement of her illness without surrendering’ “To strive, to seek, to find
and not to yield.” Ever the African
American Southern lady of poise and culture, Tinya taught us how to handle
personal adversity with inner fortitude and divine favor.
During the weeks of my
composition of this commemoration, I painstakingly and increasingly accept the
reality of Tinya’s death which remains somewhat surreal as I am partially
flabbergasted that someone who possessed immeasurable gifts to share with
humankind is no longer alive. I deeply
feel this loss of a dear friend and college contemporary whose character
enlightened and enriched my life. It
seems unfair that an extended illness would deprive her clients and legal
colleagues of a brilliant and dedicated lawyer.
Unquestionably, it appears unjust and harsh that her parents, extended
family and close friends would lose someone who uniquely personified love,
light and life for them. Glacially, my
grief becomes the heartfelt reflections and celebratory gratitude that I share
above and retain forever in my mind and heart.
Each time I think of Tinya, I vividly see her indelible beauty. I hear her sharp wittiness, laser-like
analysis and stomach-aching humor. Each
reflection yields spiritual manna for the soul.
As death is powerless to erase her eternal spirit and ever-increasing
gift of love, she lives forever in the mind and heart of everyone who knew and
loved her.
Finally, as I join her
parents, extended family and circle of friends in celebrating Tinya’s, I
continually express praise and gratitude to Almighty God for the unique
expression of divine love, grace and service revealed through her invaluable
legacy.
Grant unto our dearly departed sister and Thy daughter, Tinya,
rest O Lord. Graciously admit her to the
communion of saints, the heavenly hosts and the goodly fellowship of the
eternally redeemed. Be Thou kind, O
Lord, and receive Tinya into Thy direct presence. Let Thy love and light perpetually shine upon
her. Grant unto Tinya rest O Lord and
let Thy light eternally shine upon her.
Perpetually grateful for
her life,
Victor M. Singletary
Dartmouth College Class of
1987
