Accepting Other People's Incapacities - A Practical Method of Forgiveness

Accepting Other People’s Incapacities – A Practical Method of Forgiveness

The acceptance of one’s incapacities and limitations is a fundamental prerequisite to acquiring the willingness, humility and charity to accept these characteristics in others.  Genuine forgiveness depends primarily upon one’s ability to look beyond the character defects of the people who harmed us.  Perhaps, they were constitutionally incapable of behaving any other way.  Yet, as we accept our own shortcomings and failures, we are better able to pardon them in others.  One writer succinctly and compellingly suggests, “One should not condemn in others those traits that one so easily pardons within one’s self.”

The daily spiritual practice of self-evaluation immensely develops the willingness to accept people’s incapacities.  A stroll down memory lane reminds us of the myriad ways in which we failed to actualize our potential.  It also takes us back to the scene of sins and sites of transgressions against the holy laws of Almighty God.  These potent reminders comprise compassion and generosity when one falls prey to judging others.  Should we possess the opportunity and power to punish someone, then we should pause and reflect upon our past.  Our contemplation of yesteryear empowers us to handle people with a spiritual and practical balance, borne out of our own personal development and spiritual maturity.

The willingness to accept others as they are creates mutually beneficial and personally rewarding relationships.  It is difficult to relate to someone whom one judges incessantly.  In addition, it very hard to respect someone who persists in character defects, maintains morally questionable behavior and embraces ignorance because he is intellectually lacking.  Regardless of people’s faults, they are God’s children.  Accordingly, they deserve our love and respect.  God justly loves all of us without consideration for talents, natural endowments and pedigree.  He is “no respecter of persons.”  Likewise, we should relate to people as they are.  Rather than hoping they will become people who they are not, we accept our relatives, friends, colleagues and fellow church members as they are.  Parenthetically, I hasten to add that acceptance does not equate with endorsement.  Because we know that people are a certain way, it does not mean that we necessarily agree with their way of being in the world.  Nonetheless, acceptance coupled with respect and willingness usually allows for a meaningful relationship.

Another practical element of the willingness to accept people’s incapacities is the freedom to relinquish the thirst and need for punishment.  “Vengeance is mine says the Lord.”  Acceptance of people’s character flaws includes foregoing the necessity of penalizing them for their inherent failures.  Patience demands that we leave open the possibility that people may find the internal resources to change and grow.  As the ever present and all-kind Lord of the universe, Almighty God possesses the perfection to administer the proper punishment to any situation.  He does it according to His revealed Word and in His majestic and mysterious way.  Therefore, we can accept simultaneously people’s shortcomings and realize that they will face the consequences of their choices.

Should we be honest, many us have not begun to actualize our potential.  Actually, we might have many more “incapacities” than those persons whom we disparage.  There are talents that God graciously gave us at birth that lie dormant within us.  We have disappointed people; we do so now.  We have behaved in morally questionable ways.  In essence, we have not been the people who we have become.  Accordingly, we must extend to others the same patience, love, forgiveness and compassion that we eagerly demanded for ourselves.  A significant part of loving people, generally, and tough personalities, specifically, is forgiving their incapacities regardless of the types and numbers.  No one is perfect.  If we look for perfect people to love, we look in vain.  God loves us as we are with the perfect intention of transforming us with His love into the character of Christ.  As He demonstrates His love by overlooking our limitations, He models for us the way to love complex people whose words and deeds often contradict each other.