An Authentic Apology - Part Two

An Authentic Apology – Part Two

With considerable contrition accompanied by stinging and sincere tears, this tall, statuesque and burly man stands in the well of the House floor to apologize.  He consumes eight of the ten minutes given by the Speaker.  The Chairman begins with specifying the circumstances that lead to his erroneous decision.  He then hastens to acknowledge the depth of the offense and harm he inflicted upon his fellow members of Congress.  He explains the origins of his principles and passion to be grounded in his childhood.  Yet, he soberly realizes that beliefs and emotions do not justify excesses at the expense of other persons' dignity.  He affirms his right to maintain order in a hearing.  But, that privilege does not offer a license to exceed one's authority.  With a tear drenched face and cracking voice, he asks his colleagues to forgive his insult.  Further, he expresses sincere remorse for the incident.  He completes his apology by pledging not to repeat the mistake while making a concerted effort to develop personally.  His genuineness results in a standing ovation from members belonging to both parties. 

I then found two of the most inane, arrogant and self-serving apologies I have ever heard.  First, a former Congressman from Ohio was headed to prison after recent convictions of multiple counts of fraud, racketeering and other abuses of official position.  Instead of apologizing, he proceeds at length in excess of an hour and a half to justify himself.  Without a doubt, he excoriates anyone and everyone whom he blames for his predicament.  This man steadfastly rants for ninety minutes in the most self-aggrandizing manner.

In addition to the Ohio congressman, another Member of Congress from California gave an apology that approximated two hours in length.  This apology was a bellicose diatribe. Not once did this congressman take any responsibility for anything he said or did notwithstanding multiple counts of a criminal indictment and an ethics investigation.  

There were a few common characteristics in the genuine apologies I watched.  In addition to their brevity, they were sincere in words, tone and demeanor.  Word usage was simplistic and thus more significant.  As a consequence, these apologies were not difficult to accept.  Acknowledging the pain of people who were harmed is vital to accomplishing healing.  A genuine apology eventuates in restoration of relationships.  When apologies are extended in good faith, the possibility of reconciliation exists.  In many instances, friendships and work relationships are stronger. 

The apologies which are difficult to accept were long and defensive.  The persons offering them spend time splitting hairs about facts.  Speakers are angry and resentful.  They insist they are misinterpreted.  Their spiteful attitude depicts them as defensive, self-serving and belligerent people who absolutely refuse to recognize any harm they cause.  These people totally blame others and assume no responsibility for their actions.   

The apology from the California Congressman who served as chairperson of The Ways and Means Committee includes the essential elements of a genuine apology.  He is succinct. He briefly details the essential facts.  He accepts his role in creating the disturbance.  Further, he assumes responsibility for the unnecessary pain he caused his congressional colleagues.  With genuine tears, he describes his character and his best intentions.  In so doing, he resists the natural tendency towards self-justification. His adherence to his principles however steadfast and correct cannot justify disrespect of other people who think differently.  Essentially, this congressman learns he must consider the emotional, practical and relational impact of his actions. 

The Bible contains many stories relating to apologies and forgiveness.  The father's forgiveness of the prodigal son demonstrates the spiritual maxim that love is the foundation of forgiveness.  In this story, the son returns home with requisite humility after squandering his money and totally debasing himself.  He genuinely apologizes to the father for his disrespect, wasting the family's resources and bringing disrepute upon Almighty God and them.  The son's apology conforms to the foregoing structure and elements of a sincere apology.  Brevity is primary.  Mention only the essential facts. The distance of time and differing interpretations about sequence of details relegates parsing facts as futile. Straightforwardly recognize any pain suffered by anyone. State a sincere intention to correct harmful actions.  Pledge to grow personally and develop spiritually by making adjustments in character.  Luke records this enduringly compelling story to remind disciples to cultivate Christ's character as it relates to humility, consideration, compassion and love. 

As it pertains to practical application of these spiritual principles, conceivably a man may find a former girlfriend and offer a genuine apology for growing up at her expense.  He could acknowledge he trampled upon her feelings and personhood.  He sincerely recognizes her investment of time, money and commitment to a person and relationship that would not reciprocate her feelings and hope.  He pledges to correct this fundamental character defect by respecting all other women.  He undertakes a lifelong process of acquiring spiritual principles and moral practices that enable him to commit faithfully in love.