Communication - The Foundation of Any Good Relationship

Communication – 

The Foundation of Any Good Relationship

Communication is the foundation of any good relationship.  Whether it is a marriage, business associates, parents and children or fellow church members, clear, consistent and civil communication is necessary for success and growth in these interactions.  Contrary to popular belief, most marriages do not end because of a combination of financial difficulties, differences in parenting styles, infidelity and the lack of intimacy (sexual, emotional, and romantic).  The beginning of the end of a marriage or any relationship is breakdown in communication.  As we begin a New Year, I encourage you to invest time, patience and emotional energy in cultivating, improving and practicing good communication in all areas of your life.

Good communication is more than incessantly conversing about any number of matters.  Saying words does not mean you are effectively communicating with someone.  It merely means you and these other people are pronouncing words in each other’s hearing.  The give and take of speaking, listening, clarifying, repeating, reflecting, pausing and summarizing are essential to good communication.  Willingly, you listen as much as you speak.  Arguably, good listening is the first step in good communication.  Secondly, the clearer the words the better the conversation will be.  Sometimes, our intentions and meanings are lost in the shuffle of our choice of words.  Say what you mean as simply as possible and mean what you say. 

Additionally, focus, attention and patience are equally significant to facilitating good communication.  Because eighty-five percent (85%) of communication is non-verbal, it is important you demonstrate attentiveness within a conversation.  Distractions of answering cell phones, looking at computer screens, glancing at the television, scribbling on paper and sending a text message reflect your lack of interest in talking.  You will recall the incident in which former President George H. W. Bush looked at his watch in the midst of one of 1992 presidential debates with then Governor Bill Clinton and Ross Perot.  That impulsive action conveyed to the country that he was disinterested in the significant policy discussions facing the nation.  That episode symbolized his inability to communicate effectively with the country about the recession and other major challenges.  Good communication requires one’s undivided attention.  Our posture and behavior must reflect our focus as well as our words.

Good faith is also significant to producing fruitful dialogue.  If we come to the table with ulterior motives, we are not going to communicate honesty and integrity in our dealing with others.  If all we want is our way and we are not open to a different perspective, then we will soon reach a roadblock with others.  All parties in a conversation must be willing and open to listen and learn from each other.  In addition, if we ascribe negative and false motives to our conversation partners, then we will accomplish very little in talking with them.  We can resist the temptation to make assumptions for others.  Let them speak for themselves.  Challenge them to state clearly and concisely what they mean just as you will.  Come to the table in good faith with the expectation that you will be heard even as you listen with the hope of clearly resolving an issue.

The use of rhetorical and repetitive questions often supports good communication.  “If I am hearing you correctly, then you are saying x.”  “Are you meaning to be sarcastic because that is how I am experiencing you?”  “Would you repeat in your words what I just said so that I may know you heard me?”  Those and similar devices can assist us in removing impediments to good communication.

Good communication additionally extends well beyond any verbal conversation.  “Actions speak louder than words.”  “A person’s word is his or her bond.”  Following through on what you said is as important as anything you say.  Otherwise, you will be known as a person who talks a good game but does not follow through.  More negatively, people will say they cannot trust you to keep you word.  In short, you lack integrity.

Matthew 18:15-20 exhorts all disciples to settle any “disputes” they may have with brothers and sisters in the church.  In fact, if you are making an offering and realize you have resentment toward someone, then you are to refrain from completing the offering until you have resolved any “miscommunication” or dilemma.  In most instances, it is former and not the latter.  Nevertheless, I hope that you will start the New Year with the goal of fostering good communication.