Thoughts on Agape

Thoughts on Agape

Contrary to the pabulum of Hollywood and its unrealistic portrayal of love grounded in emotion and infatuation, God’s love, agape, relies upon faithfulness to a principled way of life.  Agape’s most explicit definition is found in I Corinthians 13:4-8.  Genuine love possesses these characteristics: patience, kindness, truth, protection, trust, hope and perseverance.  It denies negative behavior: envy, boasting, pride, rudeness, selfishness, anger, vengeance and evil.  In its most practical sense, agape requires fidelity, forgiveness, compassion and commitment.  Whereas emotion and physical attraction may be catalysts for love, they are not enough to sustain agape.  God’s richest blessing of love through His Son manifests itself in love that we share with spouses, families, friends and neighbors.  However, we can never really actualize this incalculable gift unless we obligate ourselves to a principled way of living.

Love based upon emotion partially explains the very high divorce rate in our country.  When people no longer feel as if they wish to remain married, they leave the relationship.  The lack of a spiritually and biblically-based commitment to loving one’s spouse so that he or she becomes the best child of God of which he or she is capable clarifies the desertion of many marriages.  Because people are not committed, they “bounce” when “the going gets tough.” 

Yet, a principled approach to love motivates you to search deeply within yourself and discover a new level of commitment.  Perhaps, one prays the “Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi” in which he asks God for the grace and guidance to love more so than to be loved; to understand more so than to be understood and to forgive more so than to be forgiven.  Furthermore, St. Francis humbly and sincerely requests that God will make him a divine channel of peace.  When we share the love of God with others, particularly those in our primary relationships, we willingly give time, talent, treasure and temperament in order to fulfill the previously stated aims of agape.

In the summer of 1986, I vividly recalled learning about the true meaning of love from my paternal grandparents who reared my siblings and me.  As I sat on the porch reading, I overheard a conversation between the two of them.  My grandmother, at that time, suffered greatly from several illnesses.  My grandfather’s life had become a matter of caring for her like one would care for a newborn infant.  In the midst of a lucid moment, my grandmother shared with my grandfather that she realized that she had become a burden to him.  She went on to say, “But, I love you so much for caring for me and I hope that you love me too.”  “Granddaddy” replied, “You ought to know that I love you or I would have been gone a long time ago.”  Hearing that, I thought to myself, “That’s what real love is.”  Anyone can stay in the sunny and prosperous times.  But, commitment, which is the foundation of agape, enables one to stay in the most challenging situations.

Agape emerges from God’s commitment to humankind.  The Old Testament contains over three hundred (300) uses of the word, covenant.  Mostly, these references reiterate God’s oath to love humankind whom He made in His image.  God desires a lasting relationship with us.  He wants us to enjoy His love and reflect His character.  Even when we sin and separate ourselves from Him, He steadfastly loves us in accordance with the many iterations of His covenant.  God swore an oath based upon His character to love us no matter what happens.  From the fall from grace in the Garden of Eden to the present day, God faithfully loves us and upholds His oath.  In turn, God demands that we imitate His faithfulness.  We cannot reasonably say that we are in love unless we obtain the same level of dedication and willingness to demonstrate steadfast love. 

Principled love requires integrity, first and foremost.  Are we willing to live the values that we espouse?  Will we do it in very difficult times?  Can we continually extend love even when it is not reciprocated?  Will we endure when we do not feel like it?  Integrity in love also includes honesty and fidelity.  We must communicate openly and frankly with the people whom we love.  “Brutal honesty is cruelty, sometimes.”  With due consideration and respect, we freely converse with loved ones and friends to eliminate miscommunication and misinterpretations, which hinder intimacy and honesty in relationships.  In addition, our love for others coerces us to work painstakingly toward healthy relationships in which all persons can actualize their very best selves.  We can never really know peace and affirmation in our primary relationships unless we resolve to deal in good faith with each other.  Integrity necessitates an irreversible commitment based upon Christian values and biblical truths.