Practical and Pragmatic Faith for Daily Living

Practical and Pragmatic Faith for Daily Living

The Bible defines faith in Hebrews 11:1, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen.”  Quite probably, definitions of faith vary according to the individuals offering them.  Regardless of how you define faith, a question still remains as to its qualitative and quantitative and practical and pragmatic dimensions in daily living.  Simply put, how do you live as a person of faith in twenty-first century United States?

Genuine faith combines humility and intelligence.  Some persons argue faith begins when reason exhausts its resources.  Do you employ faith only for matters that the scientific method and technology are unable to describe and explain?  Is a Petri dish the only reasonable and reliable means of verifying truth?  The explosion of knowledge which replicates itself every five years in most fields combined with a comprehensive uncritical acceptance of Darwinism and its corollaries tend to undermine the importance of humility in acquiring and practicing faith.  Unless a person is honest, open-minded and willing, it is difficult for him to have faith in Almighty God.  Brilliance may impede a person’s progress toward faith.  It easily lends itself to self-reliance.  Yet, it stands to reason that faith is unnecessary if you can prove your hypotheses and repetitively substantiate your findings as evidence of truth.  It is imperative to submit human intellect to the Infinite knowledge and perfect will of God Almighty.  Humility is a primary and non-negotiable step in progressing towards practical and pragmatic faith that enriches daily living.

Visualization is a mental and practical picture of a future manifestation of faith.  Seeing something with natural eyes is not enough.  Practical faith means taking the next right step.  “Take an action and let go of the result.”  This popular saying releases someone from hopelessness and helplessness.  An open mind allows a person to follow God’s leading and guidance in pursuit of his heartfelt desires.  Sometimes, it is necessary to see it before you can touch it.  George Lucas, creator of the Star Wars trilogy, proffers “If you can conceive it, you can achieve it.”

“Willingness is the key to faith.”  It is simplistic openness of mind and heart to trust God’s will is best in every circumstance.  It does not matter whether you understand every detail.  It particularly does not matter if details seem adversarial, negative or counterproductive.  Still, you press forward with a dogged determination to achieve and succeed with all due humility believing that a loving Heavenly Father will always seek your very best.  Rise each morning with genuine desire to believe experientially and relationally that Almighty God is your Infinite Intelligence. 

How do you utilize practical and pragmatic faith in daily living?  Take the next right action as God leads you.  Again, faith is more than a theoretical concept or code of creeds.  In its most concrete form, it is cumulative choices to follow divine guidance.  Faith empowers you to take the necessary steps to manifest your heart’s deepest desires.  David’s faith in building the temple motivates him to prepare for its construction years by storing furnishings, decorative items, precious minerals and other necessary items.  David gives Solomon, his son and heir, the blueprints for building.  Though the temple would be built after his death, David had faith that this deep desire of his heart would come to fruition.  He accordingly exercised his faith in preparing for the temple’s construction.  Because of David’s very practical and pragmatic faith, Solomon and the persons who did the actual building had very little to design and acquire.  David took the next right steps toward his heartfelt dream.

What is True Love?

What is True Love?

In his bestselling novel, The Emperor of Ocean Park, American constitutional law professor and accomplished novelist, Stephen L. Carter, puts these compelling words regarding true love on the lips of the protagonist, “True love is not the helpless desire to possess the cherished object of one’s fervent affection; true love is the disciplined generosity we require of ourselves for the sake of another when we would rather be selfish.”  Carter’s eloquent words simply communicate the message that true love does not take hostages.  It does not ask another person to sacrifice the essence of his or her character in order to accommodate our insecurities and incapacities.  True love does not imprison anyone to the self-centered fears and self-seeking demands of another person.  It encourages and empowers the recipient of affection to actualize his or her divine potential and natural ability.  Faithful, selfless, and daily willingness to share time, talent, treasure and temperament with the person we love is the practical means of fervent affection.  Simply put, to love genuinely is to empower liberally and relentlessly without need to incarcerate emotionally and relationally.

Envision a hostage crisis; presumably, you have seen many of these scenarios in television drama series and movies.  A perpetrator forcefully detains people against their will.  Inevitably, the assailant insists he is capturing a woman because he wholeheartedly loves her; he cannot bear the possibility of losing her.  His heart will not allow her to share her love with other people.  As the primary object of his love, she undoubtedly and unequivocally must restrict and direct her emotions and feelings solely towards him.  Any reasonable person refuses to characterize the captor’s actions and thoughts as love.  Instead of enhancing someone’s life, the captor creates fear and chaos whereby the cherished recipient of his “love” lives in constant danger.  Symbiotic relationships, in which one partner must account meticulously for his or her every thought or action, resemble the foregoing hostage situation.  Limiting a person’s contact with family and close friends is indicative of a hostage relationship.  In order to love someone, a partner should not require that he or she relinquishes important activities or dealings with other people.  A lifelong basketball coach shares the regrettable ultimatum he received from a former girlfriend who demanded he choose between her and his passion for the game and preparing youth to excel within it.  Had he lacked the internal fortitude and self-acceptance to rebuff such an unwarranted requirement, he would have been taken hostage in an unhealthy relationship in which he would have surrendered increasingly to additional irrational requests.

Carter posits true love forsakes selfishness as a person maintains “disciplined generosity” towards the people whom he loves.  When two people fall in love and decide to enter the covenant of holy matrimony; heart pounding exhilaration and limitless romantic feelings predominate.  Lest anyone rain upon their emotional and sensual parade, no one says anything about the monotony and even drudgery of daily marital and familial administration: laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills on time, maintaining a good credit rating, filing federal and state income taxes, differences in disciplining children, chauffeuring adolescents to extracurricular and athletic events, cleaning the house, picking up dry cleaning, automobile maintenance and any other numerous tasks necessary to a healthy, productive and loving family and household.  Although lengthy and multifaceted, this list is hardly exhaustive.  Nonetheless, these daily chores cumulatively comprise “disciplined generosity” whereby a person freely and lovingly devotes time, energy and finances to enrich the lives of people nearest and dearest to his or her heart.

Willingness fuels “disciplined generosity” as it giver requires selfless sacrifices of himself or herself as an outward display of genuine love toward the object of his or her fervent affection.  “Where there is love, there is no burden.”  Recall the early days of new, fresh and untainted love.  You purchase roses, candy, cards and other gifts for your beloved without any regard of cost of time or money.  Your reward is the satisfying and encouraging smile that will be on his or her face.  You cannot wait to see it.  Before giving a normal, polite greeting, your enthusiasm burst with the words, “I got a gift for you.  Hope you like it.”  If he or she asks a favor of you, you willingly and immediately say “Yes” as you do not wish to disappoint him or her.  You seek to spare any inconvenience or hardship of the person whom you love.  In time, this neophyte fever of new love wanes as you inevitably must live within the gravitational pull of daily work and personal responsibilities.  The realities of good financial stewardship, demanding job responsibilities, extended family obligations and maintaining longstanding friendships necessitate balance in a new love relationship.  However, as a couple grows together, they should not forsake the selfless sacrifices of their early days.  Willingly, they develop “disciplined generosity” towards each other in the performance of routine tasks which enable each other to become the very best child of God of which he or she is able.

Carter utilizes a parade of very colorful, complex and intriguing characters to define “true love.”  From the novel’s main protagonist, a retired federal judge whose unfailing love for a deceased daughter and victim of a drunk driver leads to moral and ethically questionable acts of vengeance, to the narrator whose unrepentant naiveté in the face of his wife’s adulterous activity corrodes the reader’s sympathy, Carter challenges his readers to determine whether they give and receive genuine love.

"God Specializes in New Beginnings"

“God Specializes in New Beginnings”

This quote reassures us of God's redemptive purposes in our lives.  An immortal verse in the New Testament, Romans 8:28, says "We know all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." We can face any adversity straightforwardly with confidence that God mysteriously creates new beginnings out of each tragedy, failure or adversity. 

I know an Ivy League graduate who was reared by his beloved paternal grandparents instead of his parents.  The latter couple was incapacitated significantly as it relates to sharing selfless and sacrificial love with their seven children.  The mother, under the ruse of running an errand to a convenience store to buy bread, eggs, meat, milk and cheese actually abandoned her seven children who ranged in age from ten years old to six months.  Inexplicably, she walked away from her family for a lover whom she spent following thirty-eight years with in a common law marriage.  The father, allegedly physically and emotionally abusive, was also drowning in alcoholism. Returning from work late that evening, he discovered his wife's abandonment of their marriage and children.  Unable to function as a single parent, he takes his children to his parents originally intending to return and re-establish his cohesive nuclear family.  His parents agree to rear his children, their grandchildren, out of their understanding of the Christian faith more than their blood relationship. 

Conventional wisdom assumes my colleague would have had a more preferable childhood had he and his siblings been reared by their parents.  However, when you look more closely at his prism of experience, you undoubtedly conclude that presupposition is wrong.  His paternal grandparents who had grade school educations instilled the invaluable worth of formal education within him and his siblings.  Of the seven of them, only one did not graduate from high school.  Three of them earned college degrees.  He has three masters degrees.  Two of his four degrees were earned at Ivy League schools.  Amazingly, he attained these educational milestones having been reared in a context of poverty, low ranked public schools and very low property values.  Would his personal and professional successes have been equal or greater had his parents reared him?  He resolves their fundamental character defects made them incapable of guiding him in attaining his lofty goals. 

As he reflects upon this truth, he realizes Almighty God's majestic handiwork.  A dual parental abandonment understandably would crush the soul and annihilate the dreams of anyone.  However, if God embeds seeds of providence and new beginnings within such a tragedy, then this hardship demonstrates God's faithfulness as he continually designs new beginnings at the juncture of human termination and trials. 

He uses two Christian senior citizens to prepare a future pastor, teacher of the Word of God, and counselor.  Interestingly, they were the couple best prepared to train and develop a future church leader.  In their early sixties having recently built a new house in which to wind down their lives as they enter their autumn years, this very devoted couple to Christ genuinely understood His love and became His chosen instruments to rear this future clergyman.  What began as a horrible episode in the life of a frightened toddler who was a few months away from his third birthday eventually became one of the very best occurrences in his life.  In retrospect, the hard facts of his life included parental abandonment, poverty, public housing, scarcity, and public assistance.  Providentially, God embeds authentic spirituality, grandparental wisdom, genuinely compassionate teachers and neighbors, supportive congregants, bold and courageous dreams and disciplined work ethic. Specializing in new beginnings, God mystically transforms this pastor’s most horrific experience into a gateway to commence his journey toward the life he imagined as a child.

Further, God uses two senior citizens with little formal education or professional standing to model the Christian life for this future leader in the Church.  Had his parents reared him, undoubtedly he would have been a statistic of some sort.  Rather than a Southern state where the tri-fold values of God, country and family are normative, the inner city public housing projects of the Northeast would have been the setting of his childhood.  There, the vicious and pernicious cycle of subpar education, public assistance, economically based racism, malnutrition and systemic poverty would have ground his dreams and hopes like beef before packaging.  As God specializes in new beginnings, the trip to his paternal grandparents home was the origins of his journey toward success and service.  In the colossal tragedy of dual parental abandonment, Almighty God sows the seeds of providence which mature into a whole new life for him. 

As God is not a respecter of persons, He will perform equal miracles in your life.  Writing to the Hebrew exiles of the Babylonian captivity, Isaiah shares this divine promise.  "Behold, I will do a new thing says the Lord!  Do you not perceive it?" (Isaiah 43:19) Regardless of how deep the night appears, press forward to a new dawn.  The appearance of the sun on the horizon of a new day symbolizes God uncanny ability to create something new and priceless out of your past. 

“Every exit is an entrance.”  As train riders leave their seats and walk onto the terminal’s platform, they actually begin a new journey at the point of termination.  This image drawn from daily commuting parallels life’s personal and spiritual journey.  As “pain is the touchstone of all spiritual progress,” Almighty God hides new beginnings within the rubble of storms, defeat and failure; transforming an ending into a new beginning.  

"God Sees Your Potential"

 “God Sees Your Potential”

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.  The Lord does not look at the things people look at.  People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  (1 Samuel 16:7)  A twenty-first century layperson’s translation of that Ancient Near East Hebrew verse reads “God sees your potential.”  Far too often, people judge others on the basis of their clothing, style, mannerisms and other external factors.  This tendency motivates some people to cultivate a public persona designed to gain concessions from people with whom they work and interact.  Some persons spend years developing their likability as they know people ignore shortcomings and failures of people whom they like.  Conversely, people will not extend an ounce of sympathy or the benefit of the doubt toward someone they dislike regardless of his expertise and competence.  They will criticize perpetually his actions as well as doggedly scrutinize his intentions.  Despite his genuine motives, he will not find understanding amongst a group of people who dislike him.  Nonetheless, he finds solace in affirming this maxim, “God sees your potential.”

A clergy colleague shared in a recent sermon his rather difficult experience of transitioning into the position of senior pastor at a local church in the Southwest.  Known for its cosmopolitanism and open-minded outlook relating to social relationships, this area of the country prides itself in appreciating racial, cultural, ethnic and creedal pluralism.  Across these traditional social barriers, churches in this part of the United States brag of their ability to exist and expand with racially diverse leaders and congregants.  To my colleague’s great chagrin, many persons left the church when he became pastor following the arduous but necessary removal of his predecessor.  Many persons who left in that exodus actually were unable or unwilling to follow the leadership of a biracial pastor.  Compounding that injury, many persons who remained began to distance themselves and severely second-guess his motives and decisions.  Many of these people previously had been stalwart “friends” when he served as an assistant pastor.  Now, he arrives each Sunday without knowing who his friends are and who genuinely supports him.  Not surprisingly, the decline in membership resulted in residual decreases in programs and finances.  As fear solidified throughout the congregation and panic ensued, many congregants began to whisper about their pastoral search process. 

To combat this negativity, my colleague retreats to the safety and security of the foregoing verse.  He knows his heart’s desire to serve humbly and genuinely as pastor to his congregants even if they do not appreciate him.  Despite lingering doubts and persistent whispers about his incapacities, my colleague perseveres with a sincere heart and the full assurance of Almighty God’s faithfulness toward him.  Realizing God sees his potential, my clergy colleague steadfastly takes the next right steps in fulfilling the missional vision God imparts daily.  His current vocational challenge fosters great resilience within his character.  He simply must find means and methods of success regardless of whether he is popular within the congregation.  He cannot allow fears and misgivings of naysayers to deter him.

My colleague’s trials and tribulations remind me of three biblical characters whose examples demonstrate practical and effective means of surmounting communal doubt and second-guessing.  In his early military career, David zealously leads a campaign to conquer one of Israel’s fiercest adversaries.  Drunken with plans for success, David inadvertently fails to protect the home front from wanton attack.  He leaves women and children unguarded.  Not surprisingly, unsuspecting marauders stumble upon these helpless victims and carry them away while David and his men fight elsewhere.  Upon their return, they discover the results of their blindness as all of their wives and children have been carried away as prisoners of war.  The biblical writer records the ghastly and unimaginable scene of grown and bulky, victorious soldiers weeping bitterly for their hearts’ most precious treasure. (1 Samuel 30)  Moreover, these embittered and furious men talk of stoning David, their leader because of his costly oversight.  In response to their cries for their beloved wives and children and their thirst for his punishment, David encourages himself in the Lord.  He retreats to the secret place of God’s shadow where David prays for guidance and relief.

Job pleads with his sanctimonious “friends” for patience as God’s will unfolds in response to Job’s recent tragic loss of his children and property.  His friends who supposedly arrive to comfort Job insist that he must confess his hidden sin as an act of true repentance in order to alleviate Job’s pain and suffering.  Doggedly, Job refuses to comply with their wishes as he maintains his righteousness.  His friends then accuse Job of arrogance.  As they banter back and forth, Job again asks for their patience.  “But He knoweth the way I take; when He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.”  Possibly, Job’s plea to his friends immortally expresses your requests to anyone who doubts you.  It will take time to burn the dross away as God refines your character.  My colleague offers this assurance to the people whom he serves as he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that God certainly called and installed him as their pastor.  Hopefully, they will acquire humility and patience to wait upon God as my colleague matures into the pastor whom God approves.

Finally, the apostle Peter clearly reflects the spiritual fact that God sees our potential.  God’s unfailing love extends beyond Peter’s character defects of impulsivity, anger, misguided zeal, selfishness and denial.  Although Peter pledges his intention to die for Christ, Peter denies Christ three times and deserts Him in His hour of need.  Peter’s fears overwhelm his good intentions.  Seemingly, Peter is a weak man who will assuredly fail in any undertaking as he lacks strength of character.  Yet, in a post-resurrection scene, John 21:15-23, the Lord demonstrates His unfailing love of Peter and clear intention of focusing upon the heart of everyone.  He concentrates upon Peter’s love of Him.  Peter’s love surmounts his fear.  Accordingly, the Lord knows that Peter’s love combined with the Holy Spirit will enable Peter to fulfill his destiny and purpose.  Likewise, the Lord looks deeply into your heart and focuses upon your love and desires which will empower you to accomplish your dreams, goals and hopes.  He looks beyond your current limitations and sees your future potential, as you humbly and willingly ask for His wisdom.

"You Never Find Yourself Until You Face the Truth"

 “You Never Find Yourself Until You Face the Truth”

This quote by Pearl Bailey hints toward the most effective means of self-acceptance.  The self-help sections of many book stores increases exponentially each year.  Once, a very small area containing a maximum of three shelves in any nook of the store adjacent to the Psychology and Religion sections, self-help books contemporarily command many more shelves of space.  The growth of this literature signals American preoccupation with individualism in its myriad formulations of the self-made man, pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps, relentlessly pursuing the American dream, variations of Horatio Algiers “rags to riches” stories and iterations of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged.  This burgeoning multi-billionaire dollar niche of publishing presumes mental, emotional and psychological health are prerequisites to achieving success, excellence and happiness.  You discover your uniqueness holds the key to inimitable joy and wholeness in life.  However, Bailey’s aphorism stipulates a commonsensical approach to attaining wellness, healing and wholeness.  To live the life you imagine; experience unconditional self-acceptance and live authentically as a unique person, you acknowledge both poles of your character: assets and liabilities, strengths and weaknesses, light and dark, talents and deficiencies.  Recognizing these hard truths is the non-negotiable means of discovering who you are.

Repeated collisions with life’s proverbial brick walls possibly indicate a resistance to engaging the rigorous yet rewarding process of self-discovery.  However excruciating; self-examination is an important spiritual discipline.  Self- examination is essential to finding yourself.  Before beginning your morning routine of hygiene, look forcefully into the mirror and listen for the voices that resound between your ears.  Chances are the Goliath of your current fears awoke before you did.  Whether financial challenges due to debt or simply living beyond your means or stomach curdling angst about your ability to surmount a task at work or a lingering deficiency within a primary relationship, penetrating and paralyzing fears greet you each morning.  Will you face them today?  Will you fight?  Do you possess willingness to combat this pervasive enemy who threatens perpetually your mental and emotional well-being?  Will you surrender again today and negotiate a truce that allows you to put on a mask and leave your home?  Straightforwardly accepting your raw and unvarnished fears is a primary step toward self-discovery and self-acceptance.

Beyond defining your fears and resolving to eliminate them, taking an inventory of your character is an effective means of finding your authentic self.  The recovery community especially recommends this spiritual discipline of listing your assets and liabilities.  “The Parable of The Talents” (Matthew 24:14-30) and similar sacred literature of the other major world religions teach the graciousness of Almighty God in giving each person at least one unique talent.  Unearthing this divine gift within your heart is essential to self-discovery and self-acceptance.  God also provides each person an opportunity to share uniquely His love through an expression of selfless and sacrificial service.  Your talent is the concrete means of doing so.  Whether in a behind-the-scenes and rarely observed blue collar job or within the lofty heights of fame and fortune, your faithful and enduring service to humankind utilizing your divine gift is the surest means of finding yourself.  It is important to demystify the process of self-discovery and determining your divine gifts.  Too often, it is easy to fall prey to the idea that your talent must be grand and worthy of celebrity.  This false notion prevents clarity and causes unnecessary detours.  Possibly, you will waste time zigzagging through a morass of emotional and mental confusion when what you are searching for is right in front of you.  Take time to be still and listen to the internal, still and small voice of clarity.  Your interests and passions are reliable indicators of the divine gifts that lie within you.

The truth is no one is all good or bad.  These polar opposites exist within each person.  As you need clarity about your assets, equal understanding about your liabilities is critical to determining who you are.  A sage reasons “A wise man knows his weaknesses and learns how to guard against them.”  If nothing else, he at least acquires ways of neutralizing his deficiencies; being rigorously honest about defects of character.  A non-negotiable and unconditional prerequisite to long-term sobriety and recovery is an unequivocal admission of your problem with alcohol.  Admitting internal and personal problems is the first step in resolving them. 

Incidentally, a current prevalent view in the corporate community suggests that spending time and energy in eliminating weaknesses is a waste.  Rather, your time is better spent investing in strengthening your assets.  Nevertheless, the process of enumerating your strengths and weaknesses is a practical and pragmatic means of finding yourself as you face the truth about who you are.   

"Your Heart's Desires"

“Your Heart’s Desires” – Psalm 37:4

The Lord will give you the desire to live in right relationship with Him.  Practically speaking, this means leading a moral and ethical life that honors and glorifies Almighty God and respects the dignity of all persons.  It is holiness in its truest sense; devoting your talents, treasure, time and temperament for God’s exclusive purpose and use.  It is an authentic attempt to live in accordance with your cardinal principles.  Instead of maintaining an outward religiosity and adhering to a code of “Dos and Don’ts” with the fallacious hope of quantifying your Christian behavior, you genuinely desire to obey God’s commandments because you love and respect Him.  As you learn from God and glean attributes of His character in right relationship with Him, you develop a sincere desire to please Him.  You freely choose to avoid adverse patterns of behavior that greatly offend God’s holy character.  Beyond ceasing to be sinful, you prefer a lifestyle that encourages and empowers you to become the best child of God of which you are capable.  They further motivate you to remove personal shortcomings that inhibit actualization of your dreams and potential.  Incidentally, many persons do not attain the highest level of their talents because their characters undermine them.  However, should they invest unwaveringly in a vibrant relationship with Almighty God, they achieve success, joy and wholeness as God transforms their heart’s desires into a genuine willingness to serve Him by meeting people’s daily and practical needs.

What does your heart mostly desires?  Were Almighty God to grant your three primary wishes, what would they be?  If you were able to proceed to your ideal job, place of residence and primary relationship without any impediments, what would you be doing, where would you live and with whom would you be in love?  These penetrating questions hint toward your passions and possibly reflect the concrete and incontrovertible desires of your heart.  Consider whether these answers emerge as divine revelation.  Did God give you these desires?

Ponder the miracle of an alcoholic in recovery choosing to forego drinking as a spiritual discipline rather than fighting against a drink.  A drug addict can choose to resist continual addiction as a means of spiritual progress and personal development.  Someone with an eating disorder elects to “stop the madness” and affirm his internal potential and gifts as a child of God instead of progressing toward morbid and fatal obesity.  The power of choice can equally be imparted to any other types of addiction such as gambling, sex, and debt.  Instead of fostering fallacious and inept religious systems seeking personal righteousness, persons suffering in the throes of addiction can receive the miracle of choice from Almighty God.  No human power is able to liberate someone from that prison and ensuing death.  God can give persons who suffer with addiction and myriad other illnesses the desire to stop.  

Desire which equates with the current use of Intention, Intuition and Purpose in spiritual circles is a combination of the mind’s thoughts and heart’s emotions; it is an idea and feeling that connects directly to your character.  What we truly intend to do, we do.  An intention and desire far exceed a fleeting emotion.  Desire is a divinely given impulse and hunch which matures into spiritual resolve which propels successful achievement of a dream.  Whether weight loss and physical fitness, eliminating debt, surmounting insidious and debilitating fears or triumphing daily over multiple addictions, a heartfelt desire empowers you to make cumulative choices toward fulfilling your intention.

As desire is God given and sanctioned, it does not depend on an external formula.  Desire is far more powerful than any external motivations.  Originating from God’s perfect intentions for you, desire forsakes egotism and superfluous self-reliance.  Desire coheres with your character and personality.  It is difficult to separate your desires from your essence; the things you most want to do often equate with the unique contribution you were born to make to the glory of God and in service to humankind.  God’s will for you is the thing that you most want to do of which you are most capable of accomplishing.  Practically speaking, God simultaneously grants you the necessary talents, gifts and abilities to accompany your heartfelt desires.  If your desire is to win one of the Grand Slam tennis championships, then it stands to reason you have been given the natural endowment to accomplish this feat were you to diligently apply yourself.

True essence of character and desire only unfolds within a progressive relationship with God.  He creates us uniquely as science demonstrates and proves via our DNA, hair, fingerprints and teeth.  Spiritually, each person has a unique opportunity to reflect God’s love.  To know your purpose and intention in life, you relate directly and honestly with God relying genuinely upon Him as your Infinite Intelligence and Supply.  Without knowing the desires of your heart, it is unlikely you will find joy, love and wholeness in life.  As you delight yourself in the Lord, He graciously reveals your desires and empowers you to receive them.

"No One Wins a Fight"

“No One Wins a Fight”

“No one wins a fight.”  In the school of hard knocks, I continue to learn the incalculable wisdom of Howard Thurman’s words.  Each fight leaves all participants wounded; no one escapes unscathed.  Righteous indignation hardly salves pain and wounds.  Who wins if everyone is injured during a verbal or physical altercation?  Is it more important to be right than to live in right relationship?  Regardless of the issue, is it worth risking the relationship?  These questions presume you highly prioritize relationships and seek their continual growth and health.  Allowing that people deal in good faith with you, you stand to gain more from a relationship that appreciates over time than winning a machine gun dialogue which wounds anyone within range of your words. 

Legal dramas on television and within movies depict a very false reality.  Litigation never occurs as quickly as Hollywood pretends.  It is very time-consuming and costly.  The range and complexity of emotions are the most expensive aspects of legal proceedings.  They consume an incredible amount of a person’s talent, thinking, energy and focus; all of which could be used for more meaningful purposes.  Lawsuits engender long-term resentments as no one appreciates being sued.  Civil complaints always leave bitterness as plaintiffs and defendants receive the lawsuit as a personal indictment of character.  Any daily episode of The People’s Court substantiates my argument.  Relatives and friends usually remain unwilling to forgive a lawsuit.  Years pass before reconciliation is possible if it ever occurs.  Hence, there are no real winners and losers when people who experience a breakdown in communication, trust and respect resort to fighting whether legally, verbally or physically.

A few years ago I was dismissed summarily from a doctoral degree program because my initial advisor retired and understandably refused to mentor me afterwards.  His successor in the department experienced multiple difficulties with faculty colleagues and administration.  Not surprisingly, he obtained a position at another institution.  The remaining person in the department brilliantly cloaked her dislike and animosity toward me.  Through various duplicitous tactics and deceitful conversations, she effected my dismissal from the program.  I responded by engaging a three-year and hard fought battle to remain in the program.  My appeal letters began with the Associate Dean and ended with the President of the University.  I even wrote the co-chairpersons of the Board of Trustees.  In the end, the box of copies of my letters and supporting documents weighed nearly three pounds and included hundreds of pages.  Additionally, I spent considerable time and bore equal expense consulting with attorneys to ascertain the strength of my case.  I discovered in a comprehensive search of education law cases that courts will not intervene in such matters on behalf of an aggrieved student.  Judges are unwilling to question the decisions of graduate faculty as it relates to whether a person remains in a doctoral program. 

That dreadful and draining experience taught me the wisdom of Thurman’s saying.  Regrettably, my formidable ego sustained my lengthy engagement in this fight.  In retrospect, I realize how damaged I left the ordeal.  The school sided with the faculty member whose shenanigans yielded my dismissal from the program.  None of the lawyers would take my case as they did not deem it was profitable.  In fact, a leading national civil rights firm was adamant in its refusal.  I had to accept a terminal masters degree as a consolation prize for the two years of doctoral coursework, preparation for certification examinations and dissertation proposal that I completed.  Had I not persisted in this ego feeding frenzy, I could have seen how wasteful this fight was.  I should have transferred to another school and found another advisor.  Ironically, in the time I spent fighting to remain in that doctoral program, I could have earned my degree somewhere else.  I am unaware of the toll of the loss of productivity and reputation that other persons in this battle suffered.  Actually, I do not need to know.  Yet, I am most conscious of the energy and effort I wasted in sustaining this fight to ingratiate my ego.

Within marriage and close familial relationships, harsh words cause irreparable and collateral damage.  They live forever in the minds and hearts of both speakers and listeners.  These indelible words cannot be taken back.  Once spoken, they are eternal.  Even the person who grabs the upper hand in verbal jousting suffers if his or her words tear the relationship apart.  Is the loss of relationship worth the fleeting emotional satisfaction of a few stinging and poisonous words?  Silence before speaking is an effective antidote.  Thinking before speaking often prevents many unnecessary, unhelpful and harmful words.  Assuredly, thinking before speaking foils the possibility of miscommunication and misinterpretation.  Clarity between the ears usually results in a correct receipt of the words that cross the threshold of the lips.  Likewise, thinking before responding creates the setting for more fluid conversation and less miscommunication.  Fluid, mutually respectful conversations that grants equal speech and listening with “I” statements and clarifying questions tend to decrease significantly the chances of fights which no one wins.