On Being a Team Player within the Body of Christ

On Being a Team Player within the Body of Christ

Recently, my son, the resident athlete and basketball expert in our family, finished his season on the freshmen basketball team at his all boys parochial school.  His team managed to squeak out a winning season with an overall record of fourteen wins and eights losses (14-8) with an even league record of eight victories and eight defeats.  They progressed to the second round of the playoffs where they replayed a team to whom my son’s team previously suffered a disastrous loss by forty-five points.  It was very painful to travel to the Bronx New York in the midst of a Friday afternoon rush hour to watch such a royal shellacking.  Yet, my son’s team began the fourth quarter of the playoff game with only a deficit of nine points.  Had they had a better and more insightful and caring coach, they would have been able to adjust their game plan to grab a win and advance to the semi-final games. 

Nevertheless, my son maintained a very positive attitude as a member of his freshmen team although he was given extremely little playing time.  As his father, I maintained a silent poker face throughout the season though I was absolutely furious about the coach’s indifference to my son.  He is a good defensive player who aspires to coach basketball as his profession.  My son’s passion for the game of basketball is indescribable as he has learned the history of the game and can recite contemporary players and team statistics with ease and finesse.  Parenthetically, I wish his passion would extend to all of his academic subjects.  Nonetheless, his passion, knowledge and willingness to develop defense strategies made him an asset to his team.  Most regrettably, the coach for his freshmen seemed totally uninterested in developing my son or any other members of the team even the seven players he favored regularly.  Of the sixteen team players, nine of them spent most of the season on the bench.  As a consequence, they functioned as a practice squad for the other seven players.  We parents of the bench players attended as many games as the parents of the seven students who played regularly.  We face the same challenges of adjusting our schedules and managing competing priorities as any other parents.  Even in the foregoing game in which the team lost by forty-five points, we still has to wait until the last two minutes of the game in order to see our children enter the game.  Remarkably, in a holiday tournament game in which my son’s team won a game by seventy points, he and the other bench players did not enter the game until the final few minutes! 

Despite this disrespectful and offensive treatment by his coach, my son maintained a very positive outlook throughout his season.  I marvel still when I recall how my son faithfully characterized his opinions of game with “We” instead of “I” when he critiqued wins and losses.  When discussing mistakes, he always personalized the need for improvement.  He did not say “They” when assessing a mistake.  He always thought about what he needed to adjust in order to strengthen his skills.  Further, my son did not harbor any resentment toward the coach or the seven players who received partial treatment.  Though the coach rightly deserved my son’s disdain, he did not receive it publicly or privately.  My son never despised the man in my presence or anyone else’s.  As it relates to his team members, my son was not jealous of them.  He concentrated on his skills and sought to earn more playing team.  My son was magnanimous enough to compliment his teammates and cheer for them in very tight games.  He even overlooked the coach’s blatant incapacities and character defects among them being his primary refusal to establish any meaningful relationships with team members beyond the court.  Additionally, my son diplomatically handled an arrogant but weak and indecisive teammate who over-thought his position and thus consistently turned over the ball and missed important rebounds.  My son’s generosity and graciousness offer important lessons for me to emulate.

In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul parallels the parts of the human body with Christian fellowship.  Parts of human anatomy are dependent upon each other in order for a body to function healthily. The eyes cannot say to the knees, “I have no need of you.”  Although very prominently visible, the face, chest, buttocks and legs cannot denigrate the hidden internal organs which maintain viability.  As I reflect upon my son’s sportsmanship and generosity of attitude and character, I apply this biblical lesson to daily living.  Each member of a church would strengthen his or her congregation by following my son’s example. Successful athletic teams usually include team players who balance self-confidence with appropriate humility and willingness to subordinate personal achievements and records in order to win collectively.  “Trigger happy” basketball players who relentlessly but erroneously pursue the elusive “three-point” shot often turn the ball over to their opponents who usually capitalize upon those failed shots.  Actually, my son’s team suffered two of their seven losses because of a “trigger happy” forward who imagined the cacophonous glory and celebration of a dramatic “buzzer beating” shot.  Had he simply passed the ball for an obligatory lay-up shot, the team would have won.  In church settings, disciples with tunnel vision restricted to their self-centered motives and self-aggrandizing purposes often inhibit progress in congregational ministry.  Many times, latent jealousy explains their unwillingness to collaborate effectively with their brothers and sisters.  Practically speaking, perhaps members of church families could contribute most helpfully by being good team members who cheer for their brothers and sisters, seek ways for them to develop and maximize their potential, forsake personal arrogance and extend grace and generosity.     

Loving Difficult People: Love Transcends Character Defects and Personal Incapacities

Loving Difficult People:

Love Transcends Character Defects and Personal Incapacities

The previous phrase is my response to a clergy colleague who called to express his enduring frustrations about a mutual friend who has a heart of gold but is one of the most difficult persons with whom to collaborate.  Recently, the first colleague called to vent his anger about our mutual friend’s perpetual delays in coordinating a meeting date for a working session on a forthcoming presentation.  Each time my colleague in Denver suggested a date, the one in Boston offered an alternative which he repeatedly and subsequently rescheduled.  As the time for the conference approached, my Denver colleague actually offered to fly to Boston to meet with our friend to ensure they would be prepared to present.  Not surprisingly, the Boston colleague could not find time for a face-to-face meeting.  Shockingly, the Boston colleague called the one in Denver and left a terse voicemail about the necessity of appreciating other people’s time and efforts.  With regard to the written portion of the presentation, both men were to draft a segment and mutually edit them.  The Boston colleague failed to write even a word; but he severely edited the Denver colleague’s manuscript and demanded he delete central sections of his presentation.  After his anger dissipated, the Denver colleague asked me how I had worked successfully with the Boston colleague for the seven years I spent under his tutelage.  “As I got to know him, I realize he has a heart of gold.  He is one of the most generous persons I know.  In times of deep distress, he is a congregant’s pastor par excellence.  During my most difficult personal and pastoral days, he has been a friend indeed.  I am to overlook his character defects and personal incapacities because I know he is one of the most genuinely loving and caring people despite his difficulties.”

Living with the difficulties of a very hurtful and challenging upbringing inclusive of abandonment, neglect and indifference, my Boston colleagues exhibits a rough and tough exterior which functions as his citadel of protection.  The cumulative psycho-emotional and psycho-relational pain of his formative, childhood, adolescent and young adult years compelled him to build a “Great Wall” to prevent any further harm.  His circle of intimate friends is very tight and close.  In addition to his wife, he limits it to a college contemporary and seminary classmate. His gruff public persona petrified as he observed similar traits of an influential male in his upbringing.  His defense mechanisms, isolationist tendencies, proclivity to withdraw and easy lapse into depression in response to personal and professional rejection veil the heart of gold that lives exuberantly within him.  A prototype of Henri Nouwen’s “Wounded Healer,” my Boston colleague transforms his pain into emotional, spiritual and psychological assets of empathy, generosity and willingness to aid anyone in need.  His empathy and authentic consideration of others enables people who actually get to know him to overlook the unvarnished aspects of his character.

My Denver colleague persisted with stating his frustrations about our mutual friend and colleague.  The Boston colleague did not arrange a formal meeting nor did he complete his portion of the writing.  Yet, he staunchly criticized the Denver colleague’s writing and outline.  The Denver colleague could not understand our Boston colleague’s failure to submit his written portion or contribute to the presentation.  From my experience with this fellow, I posited his psyche could not permit him to write anything and subject it to collegial scrutiny.  He is not lazy or obtuse.  His insecurities could not absorb hard criticisms regardless of how respectful anyone offers them.  At this emotional and psychological stage of his life, he is unable constitutionally to digest any constructive feedback.  As circumstances would unfold, our Boston colleague eventually called our Denver colleague to apologize for his shortcomings and incidental lack of professionalism.  He admitted his incapacities and asked for relational forbearance.

After processing the apology, my Denver colleague asked how does the children of our Boston colleague handle being loved by someone whose love flows from such a hard and hurtful space?  I posited that his children are capable of seeing his heart of gold and looking beyond his character defect and incapacities.  Actually, I became self-reflective as I considered the question.  My children could easily indict me for the hard and difficult way in which I love them.  Whereas they appreciate the myriad tasks I complete for them, the money and other loving kindnesses, my son and my daughter probably would prefer I be less exacting, demanding and perfectionist.  Could I be less extreme in demanding that their rooms are clean and spotless?  Do I need to correct their grammar each time they misspeak?  Do they have to endure lectures contrasting my impoverished childhood with their middle class upbringing?  Must I emphasis academics so fiercely? Are the exhortations about the actualization of their talents and natural endowments necessary?  In fact, a spiritual director once told me that it must be hard for the recipients of my love.  Though they appreciate my labors of love, the intensity of my personality partially repels them.  As I humbly desire my wife and children overlook the shadow of my character, the past painful experiences that perpetually inhibit the emergence of my best self, I understand the dilemma of my Boston clergy colleague who suffers equally with this challenge.  To a large extent, he knows people appreciate him and his love but sincerely wish it evolves with less intensity and hardship.  Because he has a heart of gold, people who really know him choose favorably to look beyond the broken vessel which holds his love.

The apostle Paul reminds the Corinthian Christians that God embodies our ministries in “earthen vessels,” literally jars of clay and dirt.  Therefore it is evident that the miraculous wonders of the gospel and kingdom of God emerge from the Heavenly Father and not from any human talent or ability.  Equally, genuine and unconditional love emerges from human hearts circumcised with Christ’s redemptive, selfless and sacrificial love.  However, daily and practical expressions of Christ love by human beings will be as imperfect as we are.  Although our love expressions many not be perfect, our intentions very well may be.  Realizing this complexity and irony, we love difficult people by transcending their character defects and incapacities with our reciprocal love and enduring gratitude.

Listening for the Lord's Voice

Listening for the Lord’s Voice

The Lord Jesus says, "My sheep hear my voice and they listen to me." The Johannine evangelist records these words from the lips of our Lord as He discourses about His identity as the "Good Shepherd" who willingly gives His life in exchange for the lives of the sheep.  The Good Shepherd appraises His sheep's lives to be invaluable.  In Luke's version of this story, the Good Shepherd leaves ninety-nine sheep to pursue only one who wanders inexplicably from the fold.  What an incalculable appraisal when we consider the shepherd's willingness to sacrifice potentially ninety-nine percent of his flock in exchange for preserving a mere one percent.  How lavish is the Lord's love for His children.  Nonetheless, I surmise the singly lost sheep immediately heard the Lord's voice when He pursues him.  Presumably, the ninety-nine obey His voice and remain where He tells them to stay until His return.  Whether fleeing from the Lord's presence or remaining next to Him in silent obedience, His disciples listen faithfully and diligently for His voice.

Listening for the Lord's voice can be rather difficult given the multiplicities of contemporary daily distractions.  My son is basketball player and avid fan of the game.  This season, I attended nineteen of his twenty-two regular season games plus two play-off games.  As the season progressed and the desire for post-season play increased, the attendance, competition and noise level in the gyms increased commensurately.  Interestingly, parents appeared more emotionally invested in these games than the players and their coaches.  I sat next to many fathers, uncles, older brothers and cousins who fiercely yell directions to the players;  it is as if they are NCAA Division I coaches.  Compounding these relatives’ loud voices, the crowd is full of “experts” who equally and intensely yell directions to the players.  In the midst of this cacophony of enthusiasm, anger, fear, anxiety, loyalty, dreams, goals and hopes, the actual coaches struggle to encourage and empower their players and students to actualize their talents and natural endowments.  The players must find a way to hear and listen to their coaches despite the countless, high pitched voices they hear in the background.  Similarly, disciples strive to listen to the Lord’s voice and guidance in the midst of life’s busyness and daily noise.

As a loyal father of a player, I sit in bewilderment wondering how the players learn to ignore the crowd and listen intently to their coach’s voice.  The drama and intensity of the setting would confuse me.  Actually, it might paralyze me as I would not know what to do.  Somehow, basketball players can hear their coach’s voice above the crowd!  His words, “Pick and roll or cut left,” yield their obedience although someone else may scream the exact opposite.  Players develop the character, courage and consideration to esteem the coach’s instructions above those of fathers, other relatives and close friends.  My son informs me discipline is the key to learning to ignore the crowd.  Because of the time that players spend in practice with their coach, they develop a relationship with him and learn to trust his counsel and wisdom.  They accept him and his knowledge of the game of basketball.  They realize their coach knows more about the science of the game than an amateur fan whose knowledge does not extend beyond anything he watches on television or gleans from casual conversations with friends.  As a consequence, it does not matter how loudly a person in the bleaches yells; his words are a mere impression of what he suspects might be helpful.  Players rely forthrightly on the trustworthy relationship and experiential knowledge they acquire from practices with their coach.

A thorough non-athlete who was never picked for any of the neighborhood teams in pick-up games during childhood, I have been spared the preceding dilemma.  Yet, it resembles the challenge I face daily as a disciple of the Lord.  How do I listen intently for His voice amongst the competing voices of our rapidly advancing scientific, technological, pluralistic and global community?  In a culture that celebrates narcissism, worships at the altar of hedonism and esteems the self-seeking motives of capitalism, how do disciples obey “The Great Commandment” and the other biblical commands of Christ?  Obedient and loyal basketball players offer a significant clue.  Just as they cultivate discipline to hear and obey their coach’s voice and ignore the crowd’s uninformed opinions because of their relationship with their coach, discipline gain when they invest time and energy in building a greater relationship with the Lord.  With the daily practice of spiritual disciplines, disciplines learn the distinct sound of the Lord’s voice.  As they spend time with Him in accordance with the Psalter’s suggestions (Psalm 27:4, Psalm 42, and Psalm 46:10), disciples develop unwavering trust in the Lord.  They experience His faithfulness as both a shield and rampart, offensive and defensive weapons (Psalm 91:4).  Mostly and simply, they learn to listen to His voice and obey His will regardless of numerous competing and contrary voices.