Seventh Pathway to Healing – Self-Acceptance – Part IV
Self-acceptance
remarkably eliminates internal and external strife. A childhood and lifelong friend spent twenty
years pursuing a heartfelt dream. For
most of that journey, he repeatedly engaged interpersonal battles inclusive of
filing complaints, lawsuits and appeals.
It seemed he was unable to relate collegially and peaceably with
anyone. He lived for a fight. He was easily offended. He vociferously defended himself. Inexplicably, he thrived in perpetual
turmoil. Its concomitant melodrama made
him feel alive! However, he overlooked
his inner challenges and his neediness that demanded respect and desired
affection from everyone. The vacuum created by his childhood trauma became so
huge no one and nothing could fill it.
Amazingly, a day dawned on which my friend called me to share a personal
revelation of newfound self-acceptance.
Previously, I suspected and accepted this aspect of his character and
life. His sharing was not news. It enabled me to reaffirm my love as a friend
and reiterate my best wishes that he enjoys love, happiness and peace. More incredibly, once my friend achieved this
dimension of self-acceptance, he immediately ceased fighting with the
world. Resolution of old battles
unfolded quickly. His insatiable thirst
for conflict dissipated. He made better
choices relating to collaborating with people who would assist him in achieving
his goals and dreams. A favorable
confluence of relational and professional circumstances permitted him to
succeed in a fraction of the time he previously invested. Interestingly, self-acceptance liberated him
to live in harmony with everyone.
As we cease
striving for external validation, we release twisted perceptions that other
people must compensate us for our childhood trauma. Accepting the incontrovertible fact that life
is fundamentally unfair is a prerequisite to achieving self-acceptance. Why do some people begin life with clear
advantages? Why do other people suffer
more than their counterparts? Why are
talented, intellectual and gifted people born in the poverty of Appalachia,
rural austerity and inner-city neighborhoods?
Will fate be kind to these human diamonds in the rough? Why are average and less talented people
easily given positions of authority for which they are not qualified? Nevertheless, God blesses each person with at
least one unique gift that can change his or her life.
Self-evaluation
is one of the most critical aspects of self-acceptance. Highly respected spiritual persons withdraw
from worldly affairs to examine themselves.
What is the state of their interior life? Do they still harbor bitterness and other
toxic emotions? Do they suffer with
unresolved emotions? Have they forgiven all persons who have ever harmed
them? If not, do they pray for willingness
and grace to forgive? Do they daily
examine their motives relating to business, family and personal
relationships? Self-evaluation resembles
the quarterly business practice of taking inventory. At the end of each season, managers and
owners examine balance sheets, merchandise, personnel and operations to
determine assets, liabilities and profitability. They strengthen and protect assets. They neutralize and eliminate
liabilities. Their assessments yield the
need for immediate changes in personnel and operations. Are there unnecessary duplications of
positions and procedures? Should they
consolidate or eliminate positions? How
can they streamline operations to increase efficiency, productivity and
profitability? How can they cut costs
and lower overhead? If they make changes, will there be a marked difference at
the end of the next quarter? Applying
these business principles to intrapersonal and spiritual living, you look
squarely at your interior life for strengths and weaknesses as well as
abilities and incapacities. You accept
your good traits while honestly recognizing disadvantageous habits. In Jungian terms, you embrace your internal
light and darkness. Willingness to serve
and share may be obvious components of your character. However, clearly seeing the size of your
shadow where you harbor toxic emotions and vengeful thoughts is equally
important. In accepting both sides of
yourself, you relate to other people with integrity. As you wrestle with your weaknesses and
incapacities, other people’s opinions and judgments diminish in worth and
influence. The need for external
validation evaporates. Healing
progressively unfolds in your life as you extend to other people the grace
which you find inwardly.
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