Seventh Pathway to Healing – Self-Acceptance – Part III
“Keep It
100!” That colloquial phrase is a
millennial admonition to “face facts” in resolving any dilemma. Young adults insist upon unequivocal honesty. They will not tolerate misleading phrases or
“double speak” from older adults. That
language reeks of deceptive motives.
Straightforwardness is preferable.
Otherwise, it is hard to resolve any difficult situation. Millennials demand that people deal with them
in good faith. This spiritual maxim is as
necessary within individual healing as it is within interpersonal
relationships. To heal, you must be one
hundred percent honest with yourself! Dispense with tendencies to whitewash
your pain or rationalize it. Making
excuses for people who deliberately harmed you does not erase their
actions. Giving deference to them
because of their age, status or relationship is equally unhelpful. Acknowledging their imperfections and incapacities
does not absolve their deeds. In
unapologetically stating what was done and who did it, you interestingly
recognize your inner strength that enabled you to survive. Moreover, you harness resilience to transform
your injuries and scars into assets.
This type of healing and its resulting rewards is only possible for persons
who willingly embrace truth.
Avoid the
pitfall of appearing in your own reality show.
Occasionally, it appears less burdensome to process the truth by
embellishing facts. As memory fades, it
is easy to lessen the effects and emotions of trauma. “Maybe things weren’t as bad as I recall
them.” “They did the best they could
with what they had.” “They truly meant
well. After all, they are my
parents.” “They didn’t know any
better. They did what was done to
them.” This revolting sentimentality
hardly excuses the deeds of people who harm you. Rehearsing them relegates you to be a
perpetual victim. Melodrama is not a
substitute for life. Creating a false
narrative achieve nothing helpful.
Exchange this warped outlook for a clear “20/20” vision of your
life. Accept it as it emerged and
continually unfolds. In so doing, you
receive God’s grace which empowers you to rewrite the script of your life. Self-acceptance furthers your resolve to be
who you are. Pursue your dreams and
goals without needing other people’s approval.
Maximize your potential.
Self-acceptance is the beginning of living the unique life that your
Creator means for you to enjoy.
Beware of
Hollywood and its profound ability to affect our thoughts and emotions. Some people are unable to accept love and
concern for their spouses, children and extended family because they are not
the Cleavers, Waltons, Ingalls, Bradys or Cosbys. These fictional depictions of nearly perfect
families distort many people’s understandings of family relationships. It takes tremendous and intentional effort to
cultivate healthy, functional and supportive relationships within any
family. Blended families like the
fictional “Brady Bunch” require a minimum of six years to establish genuinely
encouraging relationships. Television,
movies and social media’s facile portrayals of love gloss over the pain of
unrequited love, infidelity, betrayal and other hurtful components in
relationships. Pining for a fictional
and ideal relationship accomplishes very little. Instead, being present emotionally and
mentally with another imperfect but honest and well-intentioned person is the
surest way to grow in love. Developing
greater communication, trust and respect for each other, you and your
significant other have the best chance to build the best possible
relationship. Longevity in romantic,
familial and business relationships is the gift of persons who humbly accept
each other. Couples who celebrate
silver, golden and diamond anniversaries learn to accept each other. They cease fallacious attempts to change each
other. They relinquish silent and
unreasonable expectations. They discard
lingering resentments. They extend the benefit of the doubt to each other. In acknowledging their own character defects,
oddities and limitations, they allow each other to be perfectly human. Simply stated, as couples accept each
other. They grow gracefully together in
the mystery, experience and joy of love.
Acceptance open the pathway to a “perfect love that casts out fear.”
No comments:
Post a Comment