You cannot earn the love of others. Attempting to earn the love of others is one of the most painful fallacies to which many people succumb. People either love you or they don’t. Usually, there is no middle ground. Accordingly, you cannot make them love you through gifts, money, flattery, kind deeds and obsequious behavior. Being true to self and letting the chips fall where they may are the best practical approaches to living in honest, loving, nurturing and mutually beneficial relationships with people. Whereas you cannot earn the love of others, you can demand their respect by living as a person of integrity and principle.
Unrequited love is one of the harshest realities of life. Everyone experiences it at some point. We respond to unrequited love with a redoubled effort to prove to the objects of our affections that we in turn deserve their time, attention, care and love. Also, we will bear no expense of time, effort and financial resources to substantiate our claims of lovability. Further, we wholeheartedly demonstrate the evidence of our willingness to subordinate our wishes and desires to theirs. In time, we hope that they will be converted and learn to love us for the great, giving and wonderful people that we are. Sadly, each attempt to earn the love of another person further demeans us. It compounds the hurt and disappointment that we initially feel.
Self-acceptance, which eventually leads to self-love, is the most appropriate response to unrequited love. Quite frankly, we could never do enough to earn the love of others. In fact, the type of people who would exploit the attempts of others to win their love is hardly ever satisfied. They will always raise the bar and increase the burden. Therefore, we must grow to the point of accepting ourselves and realizing that we are intrinsically loveable. As unique children of God created in His image, we all are inherently worthy of the admiration, support and friendship of others who have the spiritual eyes to see the character of God within us. We should want to be loved by people who accept us for the unique people whom we are. In accepting us, they do not desire to change us nor make us into the people that they think we should be. People who truly love us offer an enduring friendship that assists us in becoming the best children of God that we are capable. That progression of self-love and then shared loved begins with self-acceptance.
The dilemma of unrequited love surfaces in our extended families in addition to personal relationships. If we fall prey to low self-esteem, then we are prime targets of our relatives to coerce us into working for their love. If we fail to appease them, then they will inform us that they will withhold their love and support. Children oftentimes develop two distinct personalities in an effort to win over their parents and siblings and then their friends. We do favors for aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews, hoping to become the “favorite” relative in our respective category. Interestingly, the “favorite” child and grandchild are the most irresponsible and least contributing members of the family. They are usually loved because they are the “clown,” attractive or need additional emotional support. The “favorite” rarely has to earn anything. Thus, we should strive for the respect of our family by living an honest and principled life among them just as we do with the rest of society.
The work place is the other major venue in which we engage the destructive behavior of “people pleasing.” Our colleagues and particularly our subordinates utilize their feelings to manipulate us. Because they “like” us, they believe that we should share the burden of their work, pick up their slack and fight for their raises. These demands emerge from people who do the least and want the most. If we fall prey to “people pleasing,” then we will be the ones who are at our desks at 7:00 p.m. after everyone else has gone home. We will be in on the weekends while others are enjoying the games, holidays, and sun with their families and friends. As with personal and familial relationships, we cannot earn the love of our colleagues.
A significant milestone of personal development and spiritual growth is self-acceptance and self-love. Discarding the tendency to work for the affection and admiration of others is a prerequisite. Trying to nullify unrequited love is a dead end game. It is impossible. Actually, why would we want to be loved by someone whose care and support are always dependent upon our last action? Love flows from the heart just like water from a fountain. It is natural and intrinsic. Once it begins, loves own force propels its continuation. Once love starts within us, then we can share it with others without having to fight for reciprocity.
Unrequited love is one of the harshest realities of life. Everyone experiences it at some point. We respond to unrequited love with a redoubled effort to prove to the objects of our affections that we in turn deserve their time, attention, care and love. Also, we will bear no expense of time, effort and financial resources to substantiate our claims of lovability. Further, we wholeheartedly demonstrate the evidence of our willingness to subordinate our wishes and desires to theirs. In time, we hope that they will be converted and learn to love us for the great, giving and wonderful people that we are. Sadly, each attempt to earn the love of another person further demeans us. It compounds the hurt and disappointment that we initially feel.
Self-acceptance, which eventually leads to self-love, is the most appropriate response to unrequited love. Quite frankly, we could never do enough to earn the love of others. In fact, the type of people who would exploit the attempts of others to win their love is hardly ever satisfied. They will always raise the bar and increase the burden. Therefore, we must grow to the point of accepting ourselves and realizing that we are intrinsically loveable. As unique children of God created in His image, we all are inherently worthy of the admiration, support and friendship of others who have the spiritual eyes to see the character of God within us. We should want to be loved by people who accept us for the unique people whom we are. In accepting us, they do not desire to change us nor make us into the people that they think we should be. People who truly love us offer an enduring friendship that assists us in becoming the best children of God that we are capable. That progression of self-love and then shared loved begins with self-acceptance.
The dilemma of unrequited love surfaces in our extended families in addition to personal relationships. If we fall prey to low self-esteem, then we are prime targets of our relatives to coerce us into working for their love. If we fail to appease them, then they will inform us that they will withhold their love and support. Children oftentimes develop two distinct personalities in an effort to win over their parents and siblings and then their friends. We do favors for aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews, hoping to become the “favorite” relative in our respective category. Interestingly, the “favorite” child and grandchild are the most irresponsible and least contributing members of the family. They are usually loved because they are the “clown,” attractive or need additional emotional support. The “favorite” rarely has to earn anything. Thus, we should strive for the respect of our family by living an honest and principled life among them just as we do with the rest of society.
The work place is the other major venue in which we engage the destructive behavior of “people pleasing.” Our colleagues and particularly our subordinates utilize their feelings to manipulate us. Because they “like” us, they believe that we should share the burden of their work, pick up their slack and fight for their raises. These demands emerge from people who do the least and want the most. If we fall prey to “people pleasing,” then we will be the ones who are at our desks at 7:00 p.m. after everyone else has gone home. We will be in on the weekends while others are enjoying the games, holidays, and sun with their families and friends. As with personal and familial relationships, we cannot earn the love of our colleagues.
A significant milestone of personal development and spiritual growth is self-acceptance and self-love. Discarding the tendency to work for the affection and admiration of others is a prerequisite. Trying to nullify unrequited love is a dead end game. It is impossible. Actually, why would we want to be loved by someone whose care and support are always dependent upon our last action? Love flows from the heart just like water from a fountain. It is natural and intrinsic. Once it begins, loves own force propels its continuation. Once love starts within us, then we can share it with others without having to fight for reciprocity.
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