Today, upon picking up my son and daughter after school, I learned that he received his first demerit of the school year. I applaud his increasing maturity in proactively divulging this information to his mother and me. He explained that he happened to be with a group of guys during the early morning gathering period before school. Although they were instructed previously by the principal to stand clear of the basketball goals and equipment, two of them failed to resist the powerful temptation to get a ball and start dunking. To their great surprise, chagrin and detriment, the principal appeared. Diminutive in height but powerful in character and presence, this formidable lady gave all of the members of this group a demerit each. Understandably, only two of them actually dunked the balls but all of them knew the rule prohibiting the behavior. As we attempted vainly to debrief the incident, my absolutely focused upon the unfair and unjust final result which punished the undeserving members of this group as they did not commit an infraction of the rule. In questioning about the origins of the incident, the steps of its emergence and the possibilities of preventing future infractions and demerits, he straightforwardly and steadfastly maintained, “Only the twins dunked, the rest of us didn’t do anything. We should not have gotten the demerits.” I responded by asking, “ Are you so focused upon the results that you do not care about the process that led to the demerits and what you can learn from it?” Not surprisingly, my son replied in the affirmative. After the rising flames of emotion burned out, I quickly heard the words of my question. I realize that my son’s reaction is hardly extraordinary. On any day, most people miss significant spiritual, personal and relational lessons because they focus doggedly on their expectations rather the process. Possibly, most miscommunication occurs because the parties really do not care what the persons sitting opposite of them are saying. Each person simply wants their previously determined results. Focusing upon the results inevitably equates with forsaking the process of spiritual growth and personal development.
Daily, countless people cheat themselves out of the love, joy, happiness, peace and wholeness that life offers. Because they maintain tunnel vision as they strive toward their dreams and goals, they fail to enjoy the daily laughter, smell of the roses, unconditional support of loved ones, fidelity of friends and exuberant feeling of small successes. In the words of one of my seminary professors, “The journey is home.” It is not an imprecise and future destination that you stumble upon when the financial, relational, material, occupational and existential factors align perfectly with you expectations. Rather, “home” is the daily willingness to embrace the journey of life with a stalwart faith that “every experience is a success” in the wisdom of Louise Hay. Therefore, you can smile, laugh, listen and learn from everyone and everything. Being grateful for each situation empowers you to find the riches beneath the rubble of each failure. Are losing and having fun mutually exclusive? Once a congregant who had lived with life threatening illnesses for a long time asked me, “Pastor, have you laughed today?” She proceeded to challenge me to laugh each day as she did despite the severe limitations of her sickness. During the extensive journey of her illness, she found joy and peace in the love of her husband and children and the laughter and academic and athletic achievements of her grandchildren. Though she came to detest the myriad doctor’s appointments, medications and hospitalizations, she refused to be negative or concentrate on measuring her health. Instead, she absolutely would not retire to bed each night until she had reached her laughing quota for the day. Ironically enough, the process of her illness yielded the enduring riches of life. Had she bitterly desired only physical healing at all cost, she would have robbed herself of some of the most precious moments and experiences of her life.
Interpersonal growth and spiritual progress require time, patience, willingness and commitment. Many biblical parables are agricultural be design. The process of allowing the ground to lay fallow resembles waiting on God. The hard and back-breaking work of turning over the soil and fertilizing it equates with internalizing the Word of God and the Holy Spirit. Then, a farmer plants his seed; which compares to hearing and studying the Bible. Upon hearing the forecast of deeply declining temperatures in early spring, the farmer proactively protects his future crop from overnight frost. The threat of frost draws a connection to the faithful practice of spiritual disciplines. In time, the growth of tall, powerful and vibrant weeds alongside the crop exceeds the danger of frost. A farmer must meticulously pull each and every weed out of his garden. Just leaving one weed can substantially threaten the ultimate size of the crop. Likewise, with God’s grace and wisdom, persons seeking growth will annihilate character defects or neutral personal incapacities. Whereas the removal of danger warrants celebrations, vigilance is necessary for the farmer to receive a bountiful harvest. While he awaits the arrival of fall, he steadfastly and daily tends his garden lest neglect create a vacuum for the return of weeds and the arrival of locust, animals and human raiders. Each perennial cycle of resting, fertilizing, sowing, tending and reaping affords the farmer an opportunity to learn how to work smart and not hard. From year-to-year, the farmer can enjoy his job of feeding the world. Perhaps, he may arrive at the juncture where he simply loves his job notwithstanding its dilemmas of weather, forces of nature, livestock and the economic conditions. Beyond his obvious willingness and commitment to farming, he obtains a greater understanding of the value of time and seasons. Further, he appreciates the power of patience as he must wait on the development of the crop at each stage of the process. Should he fail to attain this characteristic and focus instead with tunnel vision upon the size of the fall harvest, undoubtedly he will make very costly mistakes during the spring and summer.
My son’s demerit, whether justly given or undeservedly awarded, reminds me today to remember the crucial importance of embrace the process of learning from each experience. I have heard, “Take an action and let go of the results.” Assuredly, this phrase is easier to recite than to live. Why would not want your due rewards for your hard labor? Yet, I am learning the importance of engaging the process so that I may learn from it. Each lesson reduces the possibility of future mistakes. If I ignore my chances for spiritual progress, then I correspondingly deprive myself of the joy that I can have as I strive toward my goals.
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