Is Forgiveness Really Possible? - Part Two

Is Forgiveness Really Possible? - Part Two

Everett L. Worthington, author of To Forgive Is Human, posits forgiveness is genuinely transformative and redemptive.  Were my find to forgive his wife, his graciousness, pardon and compassion could motivate her to strive to eradicate the character defects that led to her affair and self-centered desire for a divorce to satiate her whims.  Were he to share his raw and unabashed pain with her rather than rely upon his righteous indignation, witnessing the colossal damage of her words and actions may result in a paradigm shift in her life.  She may respond by committing to a mission and purpose in life beyond satisfying her self-seeking motives and self-centered fears.  His love could change her life!  I suspect, were I to hear her account of the last three years, she has been starving for affection, intimacy, romance and understanding.  Perhaps, she feels ignored by her husband.  Possibly, she receives more compliments about her character and beauty from other men than she does her husband.  Conceivably, the extramarital affair occurred because the man however deceitfully gave her emotional attention and consideration she does not receive from her husband.  Feeling as if she were a person dying of thirst in the desert, she unwittingly took what she thought was the last drink available to save her life.  Most regrettably, the consequences of her choice are the most tragic years in her life.  Nonetheless, were my colleague to crucify his ego and emotions by straightforwardly sharing his pain with her, God would utilize his pain to transform his wife’s personality.

As a clergyperson, my colleague has an opportunity to actualize many of his sermons.  It is rather easy to wax eloquent about spiritual principles in the pulpit.  Practically, every pastor has preached about the amazing attributes of divine love especially as embodied in the life, crucifixion, death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Pastors contrast the four Greek words for love.  Eros from which the English word, erotic, comes is brute, physical type of love essentially describing physical impulses culminating in sexual acts.  Phileo means brotherly and sisterly compassion; the wide use of “Brother” and “Sister” in church circles is an application of this type of social and relational love between disciples.  Storge equates with familial love and the obligations we believe parents, siblings and relatives owe to each other.  The supreme form of love, agape, is the word the evangelist utilizes to describe God’s gift of His Son, Jesus Christ, whose life is an atoning sacrifice and propitiation for the sin of humankind.  Agape redeems anyone whom it touches because it is selfless, sacrificial, salvific and transformative.  As God is love, He graciously and generously gives love without any expense or burden as He intrinsically shares Himself with humankind. 

According to John 3:16, the Heavenly Father willingly offers His Son as a love offering to save humankind.  God makes this sacrifice because He is love and only His love will redeem humankind as centuries of human history document the inability of the Law and Prophets to accomplish this divine purpose.  To save means practically to heal and restore to wholeness.  Agape bridges the chasm that occurred between God and humankind due to the infidelity and rebellion in the Garden of Eden and humankind’s subsequent and perpetual continuation of its offense against the holy character of Almighty God.  Further, agape causes a metamorphosis, a complete transformation of principles and purpose in the heart and mind, within anyone who encounters God’s unfailing and unconditional love.  My colleague can actualize this recitation of God’s love in his pending divorce proceedings.  Is there any agape in his heart for his wife?  Interestingly, most psychological and marriage therapy studies stipulate that couples who find the means and methods of reconciliation are typically happier in five years than they have ever been.  Forgiveness yields a wholesale change in the individuals and their relationships as it gives them greater gratitude for each other and the life they share.  Yet, the primary questions remains for him, “Is forgiveness really possible?”

Worthington additionally reasons that forgiveness results in hope which creates memories of the future.  Through the eyes of the heart, my colleague could imagine a day when he and his wife will sit on a front porch and laugh about their current struggles.  As Romans 5:1-5 states, hope is borne of a hard process beginning with pain and suffering which produce patience and perseverance which in turn forge character whereby a person acquires authentic hope.  My colleague’s glance down the corridors of the future is not a Pollyannaish and emotionally facile attempt to resolve very difficult and painful problems.  Rather, his genuine love for his wife leads him to forgive her which means he freely and unconditionally relinquishes his right to retribution thereby enabling him to have hope for a brighter and better future for their marriage.  Hope encourages and empowers him to see this future as he painstakingly walks with his wife towards it through the challenging process of restorative counseling and rebuilding communication, trust and friendship.