Third Pathway – Genuinely Extending Forgiveness
Genuinely extending forgiveness is a
third pathway. Pardon equates with
forgiveness; just as a governor pardons a prisoner’s crime erases the
action. Genuine forgiveness releases a
victimizer from any justifiable punishment or guilt. Necessarily, forgiveness is a personal and
selfish act. A victim liberates herself or himself. An insatiable thirst for revenge inevitably
causes enduring resentment; perpetually imprisoning the victim as she or he
relives the experience with each vivid remembrance. Forgiveness stops these unproductive and
continually hurtful replays. It further
prevents victims from lingering in emotional and existential paralysis.
Refusal to forgive impedes
healing. Victims are stuck
developmentally at the same time and place of their victimization. A broken heart that fails to heal cannot open
itself to genuine love. The horrifying
occasion of physical assault may make someone feel unsafe anywhere outside of
his or her home. Repeated terminations
due to the machinations of jealous enemies could lead to bitterness and
cynicism eventually rendering a person unemployable. A car accident resulting in substantial
injuries possibly prevents someone from ever feeling safe to drive again. Relatives of victims of heinous crimes may
forever refuse to believe in justice if the perpetrators receive
acquittals. Victims, in proactively
choosing to forgive, liberate themselves from harsh and residual emotions. Ironically, if they doggedly devote
themselves to justice, they imprison themselves to an interminable quest
without any guarantees. Should they fail
to receive their desired outcomes, they potentially lapse into bitterness and
depression. Forgiveness enables their
healing and equips them with resilience to find a “new normal” in life.
“To err is human; to forgive is
divine.” Those immortal Shakespearian
words are as appropriate within the global village of the twenty-first century
as they originally were in Elizabethan England.
The first half of the sentence succinctly captures a complex behavioral
trait upon which neuroscientists, psychobiologists, psychiatrists,
psychologists and psychoanalysts widely concur; “hurt people hurt people.” We are products of our pasts, family
relationships and formative, childhood and adolescent years. Not surprising, broken and underdeveloped
people relate to other people with considerable incapacities. Debatably, some persons are not totally
responsible for the harm and pain they inflict upon other people. Given their intrapersonal and psychic brokenness,
society could not expect them to conduct themselves as reasonably as someone
who has not suffered similar emotional and psychological trauma.
Unequivocally, I believe in the
necessity of law, order and judicial due process in human affairs. I detest the way some defense attorneys abuse
the branches of mental health and sciences to obtain acquittals for deservingly
guilty persons. This legal strategy
creates understandable cynicism amongst millions of law abiding, gainfully
employed and tax paying American citizens.
Nevertheless, it is levelheaded for victims to extend gracious
consideration to their victimizers.
Victims as sons and daughters of God reflect God’s unmerited favor
toward other children of God who have not matured spiritually. Theologians and Bible scholars defines grace
as a providential act in which humans demonstrate divine love, unmerited favor
and generous compassion toward other people to enable them to be the best
children of which they are capable.
Forgiveness is the surest means of showing God’s love without expecting
anything in return. Practically
speaking, forgiveness means relinquishing adjudication of any offenses to God
acknowledging that He is best prepared to mete out punishment. Forgiveness heals victimizers of their
brokenness and restores them as children of God.
Three acts of genuine forgiveness
reflect the foregoing spiritual virtues.
First, a few years ago, the Amish people in Pennsylvania vividly and
majestically showed citizens in the global village what forgiveness is. Following the multiple murder of several of
their children in one of their schools by a mentally deranged man, the Amish
people announced that they immediately forgave that man recognizing his mental
defects. Remarkably, they invited his
parents and family members to the funeral of the undeservedly slaughtered Amish
children. The Amish believed that all of
them could grieve together. This
inimitable example of forgiveness remains indelibly in the consciousness of
American citizens when they consider the spiritual attribute of
forgiveness.
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