Four Funny
Stories for Speeches, Toasts and Emceeing
Story One – “Maybe, He Should’ve Put It in the
Basement.” A rich man who really loved money once told
his wife, “Honey, when I die I am taking my money with me. I have left a large bag of money in the
attic. As the last thing I do just
before I ascend with the angels, I will reach down and grab that bag.” He locked the door to attic and strictly
forbade anyone in his household from entering it. The fateful day came when his funeral was
held at the local church. After all the
guests left the house upon finishing the memorial meal, his wife decided to
look in the attic. She retrieved the
key, opened the door and climbed the stairs.
There, she found the large bag of money.
Then, she said to herself, “Maybe, he should have put it in the
basement.”
Story Two – “Who Pushed Me?” In a rustic town in the Mid-West, a wealthy
man owned a large estate that rivaled the Feudal houses of the landed
gentry. On the estate, he built a large
pond which he filled with alligators, barracudas and crocodiles. Near the pond, he hung a sign agreeing to pay
instantly one millionaire dollars in cash to anyone who could successfully swim
from one end of the pond to the other.
One evening, he held a dinner party in which he invited the political,
social and cultural elite from the neighboring vicinity. Surprisingly, in the middle of the party to
everyone’s amazement, they witnessed a brother swimming fast and furiously as
he evades snapping jaws of alligators, stealth of crocodiles and steely attacks
of barracudas. Shockingly but successfully,
he arrives safely on the other side of the pond. The owner of the estate stops the party to
present his guest with the prize money.
Afterwards, the owner asks the brother does he wish to say anything. He catches his breath and says rather
angrily, “All I want to know is who pushed me?”
Story Three – “Do You Get the Point?” Once, a local church pastor sought to
demonstrate the dangers of drinking to his congregation. He placed two large containers of clear
liquids on the altar. In the one on the
left side, he had poured natural, pure spring water. The one on the right contained top quality vodka. He dropped a worm in the left container and
it began to swim freely and joyously.
After a couple of minutes, he put a second worm in the right container
and it immediately died. The pastor then
asked the congregants, “Do you get the point?”
Known to be an excessive drinker, a congregant in the back raised his
hand, stood up and said, “Brother Pastor, I get the point.” The pastor responded delightfully and urged
that man to share the point with his fellow congregants. The man said, “If you drink, you won’t get
worms!”
Story Four – “The Butt Naked Truth” The story is told of an encounter
between “Mr. Truth” and “Mr. Lie.” One
day, they bump into each other as they decide separately to take a stroll. Mr. Truth dresses impeccably with fine, rich
and refined designer clothes made from the very best fabrics, threads, and
craftsmanship. Seeking to emulate if not
surpass his counterpart, Mr. Lie wears synthetic and artificial versions of Mr.
Truth’s clothing which he secretly and greatly admires. In fact, Mr. Lie actually envies Mr. Truth
and his clothing. As they walk along,
they come upon a pond of clear and glistening spring water accentuated with a
waterfall. Mr. Lie suggests they stop
and take a skinny dip to escape the heat and relax in the beautiful
weather. Mr. Truth agrees. They undress and leave their clothes on the
side of the pond. Unbeknownst to him, as
Mr. Truth dips deeply under water and returns to the surface in the middle of
the pond, he discovers that Mr. Lie fled and stole Mr. Truth’s clothes. Furious with disdain, Mr. Truth rushes to the
pond’s edge, jumps out and runs after Mr. Lie.
Later in the afternoon just before sundown, the neighboring town of
Sleepy Hollow experiences the biggest commotion the residents have ever
seen. On the far end of town at the
Drowsy Saloon above the fray of loud conversation, games and drinking, bar
goers heard a mighty ruckus. The butt
naked truth came in town screaming and demanding his clothes!
In
parabolic genre of the Gospels, each of these stories contains moral and
ethical lessons. I wish you imagination,
creativity and spiritual insight as you meditate upon these anonymous stories
and glean gems of wisdom.
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