Is Your Shadow
Overpowering Your Personality? – Part Four
Most
unfortunately, he looked for his parents and siblings everywhere he went and he
regrettably found them in the people he met.
His only emotionally healthy relationships whether professional or
personal materialized with persons who were secure enough to push past the
man’s intractable defense mechanisms. To
other people who did not like this man or understand him, his friends would
respond, “You just have to get to know him.”
Consumed with life’s daily vicissitudes, most people are not able and
willing to invest the time and energy necessary to forge a working rapport with
this man. Not surprisingly, his
ingrained self-destructive pattern of believing the world is against him repels
them.
Is
there any hope for this man? Can he
break the pattern and cease living is such a vicious cycle of permanently and
irreversibly damaging relationships with people before they form? Will he be able to formulate emotionally
healthy and mutually respectable rapports with the people with whom he works
and his extended circle of family and friends?
Simply stated, can he learn to live in a different way? Thoroughly and straightforwardly
acknowledging how counterproductive and fruitless living with protective
pattern of his defense mechanisms and other character defects is the first step
in leaving his shadow and allowing the light in his life. This analysis empowers him to dissect the
pattern and specifically ascertain its origins.
This knowledge in turn assists the man in dismantling the pattern. As he begins to lapse into his old patterns
of counterproductive behavior, he can stop himself. After pausing, he realizes this behavior is
not a part of his intrinsic character and self-worth. Accordingly, he chooses to discard that way
of being in the world. His repetition of
discarding ineffective choices and poor consequences eventuates in a paradigm
and character shift within him.
I
suggest John Bradshaw’s technique of writing letters to your inner child as an
effective means of dismembering the pattern.
As he experiences healing for his lingering pain through recounting its
origins, he undoubtedly realizes how his past hurts began and how they
influence his current behavior. In
comforting his inner child, he assures himself that he will break the vicious,
perpetual and ineffective cycle of sabotaging himself. As an adult, he proactively chooses to act
from an emotionally, spiritually, psychologically and mentally healthy space
that enables him to meet and relate to people as an equal. He no longer is a wounded, defenseless child
unable to speak for himself. He is not a
victim of his family of origins and extended cultural, political, economic and
religious setting. He understands the
power of choice. He no longer accepts
uncritically the views of anyone else particularly his parents, siblings and
extended circle of family and friends.
As an adult with newfound self-acceptance, he wisely enters mutually
respectful relationships. In the spirit
of the adage, “Live and Let Live,” he extends tolerance toward others as he
wishes to receive their understanding.
The
light, which the man prone to self-sabotage blocks, is divine self-expression
and unconditional self-acceptance. In
his shadow, he persistently impedes God’s gracious gift of his unique
personality. He overlooks the spiritual
awakening that he is created in the image of Almighty God. He does not need to defend, justify, explain,
excuse, validate or apologize for his essence.
He will attract naturally persons of kindred spirits. Likewise, persons with other interests will
respect him and his contributions.
Self-acceptance and divine self-expression enable this man to shatter
his destructive cycle. He leaves his
shadow and ceases blocking God’s light in his life.
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