Gratitude for the Gift of Irritating People

Gratitude for the Gift of Irritating People

Are there any people in your life who greatly irritate you?  Are there any persons whom you seriously dislike?  Do wish they would simply go away?  Have you determined that the world would be a better place without them?  Do you despises and disdain anyone?  Does anyone absolutely disgust you?  I have a foolproof suggestion for handling such difficult persons and personalities.  Begin to give thanks for them! Mysteriously and ironically, they have come into your life to bring incredible gifts.  Though it may not seem likely, you will learn a lot from these complex and perplexing people.  They will reveal dimensions of your character that you easily overlook.  Difficult people force us to examine ourselves.  They reflect negative and unhelpful characteristics we need to neutralize if not eliminate.  Rather than desiring the absence of these people, start to thank God for them and embrace the lessons which they bring to you.

One of the lay leaders in my church personifies a mirror for my character.  She is an expert on any and every subject we discuss in leadership meetings.  She provides a nuance to any suggestion any other lay leader makes.  Regardless of what we decide and the process we utilize to reach a logical conclusion, she offers a supplement to perfect the decision.  She is convinced that were she not in the room we would make a crucial mistake.  She has even asked us to consider postponing meetings if they conflict with her work and personal schedule.  Interestingly, she never assumes primary leadership of any initiative before the Church.  She stays on the sidelines and criticizes other people’s efforts and products.  When we debrief the success or shortcomings of any ministry or project, she “logically” assumes that the rest of us suffer severely from a cognitive myopia that she must correct as she saves us from our mental incapacities. 

I mean to be as sarcastic as I am being.  This woman demonstrates how people have received me over the years.  She causes me to reflect upon my character assets and liabilities.  Am I making any progress with regard to genuine humility?  Am I taking myself too damn seriously?  Am I open-minded enough to appreciate each person’s contributions to our church family?  This woman is a yard stick with which I measure my spiritual growth and personal development.

A second lay leader quintessentially personifies self-pity and passive aggression.  Though a diligent worker in the church with considerable incapacities, she does not feel anyone appreciates her.  Despite numerous public and private demonstrations of my thanks for her contributions, she resolves that I am her enemy who arrogantly takes her for granted.  A lingering breakdown in communication coupled with an exchange of testy emails widens a relational chasm between us.  She responds with indifference and contempt only exchanging civil greetings if someone else is present.  Equally, I am thankful for this woman as she represents aspects of my character.  I can fluctuate between being egotistical and having an inferiority complex.  I too can be dismissive of people.  I also can digress to passive aggression laced with penetrating linguistical venom toward people I dislike.  As I progress spiritually, I humbly ask Almighty God to remove these defects of character.  This woman’s presence in my life shows me how far I have come as it simultaneously reminds me of just how far I must still travel toward self-acceptance.

A third lay leader substantially disappoints me with his conflict avoidance behavior.  Somehow, he assumes that I create and sustain any tension within the lay leadership.  He believes that I should simply conform my thinking and actions to the will of the group regardless of my principles and reservations.  Though an independent, impartial person could collaborate the behavior of his fellow lay leaders contributes significantly to an impasse we face, he persists in his outlook that I subordinate myself to them.  His avoidance tendencies manipulate him into trying to coercer me to submit to the will of these misguided people.  This man reminds me of a time in my professional life when I disappointed myself by failing to advocate for justice in a termination debacle.  His inadequacies reflect how much I have grown. As, I am most grateful to assess the progress I have made, I shudder to think that I once acted as he does.

The arrogant “know-it-all,” self-pitying simpleton and conflict avoider, all, help me to evaluate personal attributes as I become a better person.  As I resolve the internal challenges of pride, self-centered fear, projection and cowardice, I am better able to relate to other people.  I welcome them as human sand paper and personal chisels who help remove deformed aspects of my character and personality.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus teaches us to pray for those people who scorn and despitefully use you.  As I pray for these persons and their growth, I pray that they receive the exact same blessings that I desire for my family and me.  As I seek success, wellness, happiness, love, joy and peace of mind, I earnestly and honestly desire the same for them.  These prayers for them eliminate adverse, angry and negative feelings.  Praying for my “enemies” conjures thanksgiving as I realize “But for the grace of God there go I.”